Friday, May 29, 2009

She's home

A dog named Sioux 
I just returned from Huntley with our new pup. The name the rescue gave her is Sioux. We need to think of a better name for her. (I know too many Sue, Suzanne, Suzy and Susannahs.) They gave the entire litter native american names because Catahoulas are a native breed. Cool idea, but Sioux looks better in print than it does in actual usage.

She seems to be adjusting fine. She whimpered for a second as we drove away from her foster home. But I patted her head and she calmed right down. She has already tried to find a way to escape the backyard fence so we will have to be extra diligent about keeping an eye on her.
A dog named Sioux 
She seems more scared of the cats than they are of her so that is good. They are so used to having dogs in the house it shouldn't be a problem. Her foster home had cats too.

Now she is tethered to my chair and sleeping on the floor next to me. I have three rules to new puppy ownership:
1) Never let them out of your sight.
2) Put them in their crate when rule #1 isn't possible.
3) A tired puppy is a good puppy.
A tired pup is a good pup 

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A dogs' tale

Things have a funny way of working out around here. Tomorrow we will be completing the final step in getting approved to adopt a new dog. We've applied, been interviewed, had our references checked, and visited a few prospective dogs. We just need to pass a home inspection and hopefully we will start to fill the empty space in our family.

I wasn't sure I was ready for this step yet but I'm moving forward because things just seem to be falling into place and it is kind of like some kind of divine intervention is under way. This isn't the first time I've had this kind of serendipity come into play when selecting a new dog after a tragedy.

Our first dog as a family was my first black lab, Sophie. We had been trying to get pregnant for almost 3 years when one of Steve's co-workers' dog had a litter of puppies. Both parents were purebred hunting labs but the litter was unplanned. (Don't get me started on the stupidity of these particular dog owners, I don't have the patience or space in this post.) In order to help me through my infertility depression and to give me something else to focus my mothering urges on we adopted Sophie right before Christmas 1992. On January 19, 1993 I found out that I was finally pregnant. Sophie taught me all about sleepless nights, crying jags, how to not barf when cleaning up shit and puke and many more valuable lessons in patience for a defenseless being that depends on you completely.

Fast forward to February 2000. Steve won a trip to the Cayman Islands for his company's President's Club. Sophie and the girls went to my parents' house in Michigan for the week while we enjoyed some much needed sun and fun. We called every day to check in with the girls except one day we were out all day and didn't have a chance to reach them. The next morning I opted to not join the other wives on an outing to the turtle farm and instead found a chair in the shade on the beach to enjoy some solitude and my book while the guys golfed. After getting comfortable and putting in a lunch order with the beach waitresses I noticed this large black, white and tan dog lounging under a tree. A family of four were trying to get her attention and coaxing her with food but she ignored them. I made a small attempt to get her attention by clicking my tongue and she came right over to me for an ear scratch. I commented to her big brown eyes that she reminded me of my Sophie. At this she made herself comfortable next to my chaise and stuck her large head under the table at my side. Sophie did the same thing every night next to our bed with the small round table where kept the alarm clock.

Finally that night we were able to reach home before going out for the big wrap up party. My parents were acting a little funny on the phone and were hesitating to put Sarah on the phone. Finally my Mom confessed that Sophie had been killed that morning. My dad had taken the dogs out at about 6 a.m. and being Michigan in February it was still dark. When Sophie didn't come back to the garage with Liddy, his dog, he went looking for her. He figured she was out eating "road apples" in the horse corral. Unfortunately he found her body lying next to the road. He doesn't even remember hearing a car pass in those early morning hours.

I was heartbroken. When we returned home the house was too quiet. When the girls spilled food on the floor, it went uneaten. I didn't have to vacuum dog hair as often. There wasn't anyone to put their head under my bedside table. I remembered back to that morning on the beach and realized that Sophie had come to say good-bye in some mystical way. We had been on that beach for 5 days in a row at the point. I always sat in the same general area (I avoid the sun). I had never seen that dog before or after that morning. She had gotten up and disappeared before anyone else from our group returned from their morning activities. She showed up there just for me and came and spent time with only me.

I started looking around on the web for pet loss grief resources. In my searching I came across a large, hairy tri-colored dog. It was the same kind of dog I met on that beach in Grand Cayman. It was a Bernese Mountain Dog. I read the description, did more Googling. This wasn't a breed that one would expect to find on a tropical beach let alone as a stray. Then it seemed every where I looked I saw Berners. Driving through downtown Geneva, Illinois I saw a woman walking two beautiful Berners. I picked up a dog magazine, the featured breed, Berners. I joined a yahoo email group for Berner owners and people interested in the breed. I shared my story and asked a lot of questions. I asked if there was anyone local who would let me and my family meet their dog so we could judge for ourselves if this was the breed for us.

We were warned that the process for getting a BMD puppy was long and arduous. We could expect to wait anywhere from 6 months to over a year before we were approved by a breeder and matched with the right pup from the right litter. I did get an invitation from a nice young lady that lived in a suburb not far from us and very near my sister's house to meet with her and her dog. After meeting her and exchanging many emails she finally confessed that her mother was a breeder in New Jersey. Not only that but she had an upcoming litter that may have available pups. Most of the prospective approved puppy buyers wanted males or females for showing. If the litter was predominantly female or the dogs turned out to not be acceptable show dogs there may be one available. Luck was on our side. Of the six pups three were female and two of those had white markings that were not acceptable to the breed standard. We interviewed with Ruth the breeder a number of times and evidently passed the test. Heidi has been a HUGE part of our family since Mother's Day 2000. It was like it was just meant to happen.

Fast forward again to this past month. The week after saying good-bye to Shadow I was going through my blog-rolls on Google Reader. Scoutie Girl/Jan had a post about having her dog Scout's leg amputated. The pictures of her gorgeous Scout stopped my breath. She had the same coloring as Heidi but was short haired, more like a Greater Swiss Mt. Dog, yet looked a little smaller than a Swissie and more hound/lab like. I almost couldn't get through the post because of my still raw emotions. But at the very end of the post she mentioned the breed, Catahoula Leopard Dog.

I had never heard of this breed before and typed it into the search box on my toolbar. One of the first links was to petfinder.org. There was a long list of Catahoulas available and then something weird popped up in front of my eyes. The IL Catahoula rescue was based in South Elgin, IL. I can spit and hit South Elgin from my backyard (okay, kind of like Sarah Palin can see Russia from hers, but still it is right next door!) I looked at some pictures and read some descriptions. I also started looking at other dogs and other breeds available in our area. The seed had been planted. But it was too soon.

Every couple of days something would bring me back to looking at petfinder just to "browse" and see if anyone caught my eye. I kept seeing all those Catahoulas. Then there was a young German Shepherd that I liked and Steve thought looked promising. So finally last week I decided to at least make some inquiries and maybe fill out some adoption applications. While I was doing that I noticed that there was a new litter of pups listed from Catahoula Rescue. I couldn't ignore the signs so I filled out an application with them too. On Saturday we went up to Huntley, Illinois to meet two Catahoula sisters and also to visit a shelter up there with the GSD. Then on Monday Emma and I drove all the way down to Manhattan, Illinois (3 hours round trip) to see the litter of 8 week old mix puppies. I've spent the last 48 hours trying to make a decision.

Tomorrow if everything goes as planned we should know if we get the dog I finally decided on. I'll let you know and hopefully have some pictures. I'm praying that fate has put the right dog in our lives once again.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

More stuff to get rid of:

I have a bunch of stuff to sell, give away, or toss and I need to find it all homes quickly. I really want to be able to park my car in my 3 car garage again soon! LOL I may end up having a garage sale but some of it isn't exactly garage sale types of stuff and I doubt the typical person looking at garage sales will be interested in a lot of it or willing to pay what it is really worth.

First off I have this almost full embroidery floss display:
floss-display
I paid $444 for it and would be happy with $350 or best offer. It would be a great bargain for a quilt, yarn, or craft store. Refills of Presencia floss are available through Brewer Quilting Supply

I also have a large selection of Laini's Ladies Boutique Collection ornaments. These were quite popular as gift items. I have the counter top acrylic spinner display. If anyone out there knows a local gift shop that might be interested in buying my remaining inventory send them my way.
laini-displayI also have an almost complete collection of the Laini's Garden Ladies. These are smaller than the Boutique ladies and hang on curved copper stakes as plant spikes. They have a garden/flower theme. I can't find a picture on the Bottman site for them now so they may have been discontinued.

I also have two huge (and heavy!) boxes of magazines that I'm tired of tripping over. They are approximately 6-8 months of last years issues of: Cloth, Paper, Scissors, Belle Armoire, Quilting Arts, Somerset Studio and Art Doll Quarterly. I have multiple copies of each issue. I'm going to try adding them to my etsy shop but I don't typically move magazines very fast there. I also think I have some older scrapbooking magazines in my guest room closet that I'd be happy to just give away. I don't even remember the years on those. If you are interested leave a comment otherwise they are probably going to Goodwill very soon.

The last things I'm going to mention are my retail displays. I have three small slat-wall displays that have casters so they can be moved around easily. They are "H-shaped" and stand about 4 foot high. I also have a box of acrylic shelves and hooks for them. They are great for a small retail space because they hold a lot of product and can be moved around easily. I bought them used and am willing to part with them for the best offer that comes my way!
Getting ready to open 
I also have a 7 foot tall fabric display shelf that I bought from a local quilt shop that closed last year. I thought I'd use it to hold fabric bolts here at home but it is too big and heavy to move up to my second floor store room so it is taking up space in the garage. It is built from white melamine and has slat-all on one side.

I also have the gorgeous oak stair-step style fabric display that my Dad built me out of recycled oak barn wood. New Fabric Display 
It is also on casters so it is easily moved around. I love this piece because it was made from wood reclaimed from our old barn that I grew up playing and working in with my Dad's own hands. It holds A LOT of fabric too. I'd still like to find a way to get it up to my store room and use it but it just doesn't fit currently. I'd be willing to sell it if the offer was right and I knew it was going to a place that would appreciate it and was worthy!

In addition to all of this I have more books than Borders and living room furniture taking up valuable space that I need back sooner rather than later. I just don't have the energy or desire to canvas local shops looking for homes for all of this. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions I'm all ears.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Same shit, different day.

I think a touch of depression is setting in. I have so much to get done. The weather is absolutely beautiful. The pool is open. School is almost over (a reason for celebration not sadness for this mom, I love having my girls home and our time to ourselves again.) I joined a gym and am doing a decent job of going regularly. Plus I have a fabulous group of new friends thanks to joining the theater company. Yet I still feel the inextricable pull of depression.

First sign for me is total inertia. Even though I have so much work to do yet all I can manage to do is fulfill my etsy orders and then sit here on the computer all day playing stupid games on Facebook. When my depression starts to take hold I get almost autistic-like with my game playing focus. When I was pregnant for Sarah I played solitaire compulsively (this was before I had a computer and I would shuffle the cards over, and over, and over again until I almost wore them out.) Sometimes other activities will take the place of game playing. Occasionally it has been knitting. I even went to knitting group last week and cast on for a new cardigan. Sometimes it has been reading either real books or online. When I first discover the world of blogs and had a brief stint of depression, I sat and read celebrity gossip blogs for hours. I'm guessing that a therapist would probably call this a form of OCD. Why can't I get OCD about cleaning my garage or weeding my flower beds? Oh wait, been there, done that.

I think one reason for this mini-depression (other than the obvious) is that from the end of March until last week I had a lot of things outside my control that I had to focus on. I had commitments and deadlines. I've been lucky with my depression that I've never been totally debilitated by it. I've never spent days or weeks in bed unable to meet my own and my family's basic needs. I've come close and many times really wanted to just go and hide but I've always managed to pull myself out long enough to make a good appearance. How I manage to do this is to go totally inert and when I'm alone and then pull it together when they get home at the end of the day. The weekend was especially difficult because I was never alone and the stress of putting on a good face was really difficult. I also tend to go into autopilot. I just go through the motions of my normal routine with no real emotion or energy. I'd find myself driving down the road and realize I had no idea where or why I was going somewhere, then I'd remember my errand or which kid I was picking up from what activity.

For today and tomorrow I'm just focusing on one thing at a time. I'm taking a combination day-to-day and hour-to-hour approach. Yesterday I made myself call and make an appointment for Heidi at the groomer. I've been putting that off for months and I couldn't ignore it any longer. Poor girl looked like a stray! Today I'm just making myself walk away from the computer every hour or so and just get one thing done. Unload the dishwasher, put in a load of laundry, take the Netflix to the mailbox, move a few boxes in the store room. Tomorrow I pay bills. I don't look beyond tomorrow because then I just get overwhelmed.

Yesterday I picked up Shadow's ashes from the vet's office. The finality of that hit me really hard. I still haven't decided what I'm going to do with them. Keeping them on display on the mantel seems morbid and creepy. Burying them is too final for me right now. A friend told me that she had a necklace made with a vial to hold some ashes after her dog died, I'm considering this but again, kind of creepy. Right now all I'm managing to do with them is hold the can and cry. This week has been harder than last week for some reason. Again probably because all the energy I needed to get through it all finally drained away.

I have 20 minutes now to pull my shit together and go pick up the girls. Emma has a busy week with tech week for the school musical, she is on the prop and make up crew. Sarah and I are trying to make it to the gym every day we can to work toward our fitness goals this summer. I'm also sure they'd like to eat dinner at some point. Once that is all accomplished, I'm going to lose myself in the American Idol final performances and that new show Glee on Fox.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Purging after the (crying) Binge

This is how I handle stress and difficult times. I start purging stuff.

Since the move out of the store I've been kind of avoiding getting down to brass tacks and getting stuff back in some sort of order around here. I started it a few weeks ago but then everything started going to hell around here. I took a photo of the piles in my "store room" last week but my camera was having issues just like everything else around here and I lost the pic. I wanted to have a record of where I started from when I got it all done. I guess you'll just have to believe me when I tell you it was an incredible mess!

Last week I did manage to sort and photograph a small selection of things to put on ebay. It was mainly rubber stamps and Sizzix stuff. Most of it sold, half of it has actually been paid for and shipped. It was a start.

I've come to realize that I have more paper and scrapbook craft stuff than I will ever use in 20 lifetimes. I know I won't do any more hardcore scrapping again so it is just taking up valuable real estate. A lot of the miscellaneous stuff I've already sent to Goodwill. The more valuable, newer, and nicer stuff I'm trying to figure out what to do with now. After listing, selling, and shipping almost a dozen lots last week on ebay I've decided that it really isn't worth the work for most of the small stuff. Occasionally I see a large lot of miscellaneous stuff go for big bucks but doubt mine would fit in that category.

So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to put it here on my blog. If you are interested in any of it leave a comment or send me an email with an offer. I'll figure out what shipping will cost (let me know your zip code or country. Yes, I'll even ship to Canada and International!) and send you a PayPal invoice. I'll probably even throw in some freebies too. Click on the thumbnail images to see a larger image.

Foam stamps and misc. 
Lot 1: Pearl Ex powders, Ranger Alcohol Inks, Walnut Ink, etc.

Foam stamps and misc. 
Lot 2: Assorted Embossing Powders, Glitters & Beads

Foam stamps and misc. Foam stamps and misc. 
Lot 3: Memory Makers Foam Stamps; Philadelphia Font Upper & Lower Case

Foam stamps and misc. 
Lot 4: Memory Makers Foam Stamps - Flowers

Foam stamps and misc. Foam stamps and misc. 
Lot 5: Memory Makers Foam Stamps - Flourishes & Floral

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

There is a Shadow on my heart

PICT0004 
I had to say good-bye to my best friend today.
A month ago Shadow got a huge swelling lump on his neck. We thought it was an animal bite and he was on three weeks of antibiotics. It went away almost completely but last week it came back and he was gagging and vomiting. I took him in and they biopsied it and put him back on antibiotics. He was also x-rayed and it showed "haziness" in his chest and an inflamed spleen. He's been getting progressively worse all week. Monday he had bloody vomit and quit eating. Yesterday he started collapsing. I got him to eat a little last night but he then had bloody diarrhea. This morning he collapsed again in the yard and I could tell he was miserable. I had my neighbor help me get him in the car and I took him in to the vet. The test results showed that it was an extremely rare malignant tumor on his salivary gland. There was nothing that could be done for him.

He's at peace now. I'm not. Please indulge me while I remember what an awesome dog he was.

He came into our lives on Halloween 2001 as a rescue from CILRA. He was born and spent the first 6 months of his life in Indiana. The story we were told was that he was owned by a college student that didn't have the time to give him the attention he needed. He was already crate trained and just wanted to be loved.

I took him to obedience classes and he loved it. But he was so attached to me that he couldn't pass the sit-stays and down-stays because I was across the room and he just wanted to be at my side. He quickly learned to do what he was born to do, retrieve. I taught him to go out to the end of the driveway and get our newspaper in the morning. He loved that job so much that he decided he'd do it for the entire neighborhood. We'd wake up to 3 or 4 papers on our front step! One time when I was sick and slept in he went out the doggy door, over the fence, got the paper and returned the same way to bring me the paper in bed.

He came to us with the name Murphy but we didn't think if suited him so we renamed him Shadow. It was the perfect name because he followed me everywhere like my shadow. If he was outside when I had to leave the house, he'd follow me. Numerous times I'd have to call the house to tell whoever was home to come to the end of the street and get him because he had followed my car. When we had our lake house he'd follow me when I took the kayak out. I finally just got him his own life vest and took him with me. People along the shore would point and comment on this funny dog paddling along side my kayak in perfect heel position. When I took him to the off leash dog park when all the other dogs were running ahead to greet other packs, he'd stop partway down the path, turn and look to me and only after I gave the okay would he go join in the fun. Even then, he'd soon return to my side where he was most happy.

A few years ago we had a scare when he was diagnosed with heartworm. It was at the same time that Heidi had to have emergency surgery for swallowing a ball of macrame twine. We nursed them both back to health and vowed to be more vigilant dog owners.
100_0310 lapdog 
He was an old soul. He had such a mellow and sweet personality. He loved to cuddle. He'd wait for Steve to get up in the morning and then take his spot on the bed. When Steve was traveling he'd just take ownership of that side of the bed. Another part of his daily routine was to come into the bathroom when I was showering and sleep on the bath mat. I literally could not go anywhere in this house without him being a few steps away. Early on he started showing signs of separation anxiety and we would crate him when we left to help keep him calm. One time I was working on scrapbooks on my dining room table and had to leave quickly to go pick the girls up at school. I was only going to be gone maybe 10 minutes so I left him out. I returned to find paw prints on my latest layouts and other evidence that he had been standing on the table while I was gone! It was just his way of being near me in any way he could.

He will also be remembered as the stinkiest dog in the world! His farts could clear a room. One morning at the dog park he practically cleared the park with his incredibly noxious fumes! He found cat and deer poop to be a particular kind of delicacy but it didn't agree with his digestive system and we all had to pay the price.

I can't go without also mentioning the other heart break we experienced this week. Sarah's cat Latte was killed by a wild animal Friday night. Our neighbors found him in the woods behind the pool on Saturday. We got him and his twin brother Leche from a local farm about 5 years ago. He was a huge white tom cat with gorgeous blue eyes. He would always sleep on my feet at night.
Latte Latte Latte 
They will both be missed. I need a break from the heart break right now. I think I'll go cuddle with Heidi, Leche and Ozzie.