Thank You.

Tuesday was my birthday. I am now 46 years old and feeling really good about myself and my life.

I’ve really learned some lessons this year and relearned things that I always knew but forgot or didn’t believe. Isn’t that the way it is sometimes? You can learn something, know it to be a fact, but until you actually apply it in your life and live it, you don’t truly know it. That applies to everything from having faith to using algebra.

When I was a child I was told to say my prayers. We prayed in Sunday School, at meals, before bed. But no one ever really explained how to pray. I learned the prayers we all said together in church and the prayers my family always said at holidays. There is a common misconception that praying is asking, kind of like a mystical Wish List. What I’ve finally learned about prayer is that a prayer of gratitude is always the most powerful.

Years ago I read Sarah Ban Breathnach’s Simple Abundance and started keeping a Gratitude Journal in a quest to find peace and abundance in my life. At the time it didn’t work for me. I focused too much on the Abundance part of the equation instead of the Gratitude. I still thought it was like a mystical, magic bullet. I was focused on the results instead of the process. I was focused on my perceived needs and what I was getting out of life.

Now I know that isn’t how this whole thing works. It begins and ends with Gratitude. Just say thank you. And not just to God or whatever higher power you believe in, but to everyone and everything. I find myself saying “thank you” multiple times a day and it feels great. There was a time when if someone offered me advice or a correction I’d automatically get defensive and think that I had to prove that I knew what I was doing. Now I just say thank you and listen and often, learn something new. And why is it so hard to accept a compliment? Because we’re taught that being humble means dismissing our own worth. But that is wrong. You can be perfectly humble and still say thank you and own your worth and appreciate when someone recognizes your gifts and talents.

Gratitude also makes tough situations easier and life less shitty. I was inspired by a friend (in other words, I totally stole the idea from her) to start posting a “GRATItuesday post on my Facebook wall every Tuesday, listing whatever it is I am grateful for that day or week. Some weeks it is really easy, some weeks not so much. When you start living in a state of gratitude you look at things differently. I’ve learned that having a bad attitude and being upset or angry or pissed off when things don’t go well doesn’t do me or anyone around me any good. Not to say that I don’t get angry at things that rightfully should make me angry. (Rapist make me angry for instance.) I’m talking here about little things. Like when the dog vomits. What is the point in getting all pissed off about it? Clean it up and move on, and if I’m feeling particularly grateful at that moment, be thankful she didn’t do it on the bed.

Living in and practicing gratitude multiplies the good things in life. Think about the last time someone said thank you or showed gratitude for something you did for them. How did you feel? I bet that the next time the opportunity to do something nice for that person came up you were much more apt to do it. That works in reverse, people and the universe like to help people who show appreciation and gratitude.

In the spirit of this post I am going to say thank you to all of you who read what I have to say. On Tuesday night I noticed that I had 75 followers on my Facebook page for this blog and just asked if people would share it and see if we could get up to 100 by the end of the week. My friends and followers did and we had over 100 in a few hours! As of right now there are 113 which is so cool. I went to bed on my birthday with a huge feeling of love and gratitude and it has continued on through the week. I am humbled by the show of support from friends, family and complete strangers. Thank you.

Getting back on the horse.

As a kid I rode horses. Mainly for fun and to show in 4H. The first pony we got that was mine to show was a buckskin gelding named King. I don’t remember his history, probably saved from the meat packers or a trade my dad worked out with one of the many people he charmed along the way. He was harness trained and came with a little red sulky and harness. I think he preferred the harness to a saddle because when he was ridden and got tired or annoyed, he’d just lay down in the middle of the arena. He wouldn’t roll to get you off, just lie down and stay there until you jumped off. He was the King of passive aggressive behavior. He was also a pickpocket and didn’t like men but those are stories for another day.

My dad insisted that whenever he did this I was to get off, get him back up and get back on the horse. I couldn’t let him get away with it or he’d just do it more. I would just be reinforcing the bad behavior. King’s lazy behavior also led to one of the biggest learning experiences of my young life. At the beginning of the County Fair the Horse Club would put on a show. We’d ride in formation and do a big Figure 8 in front of the Grandstands. This was my first year riding with the big kids and I was nervous and excited. Looking back, it might have been my first time in front of a real audience outside of our little church. We began the Figure 8 and after the first round King and I approached the center and I could feel him starting to balk. No! Don’t do this to me! But sure enough he did, he stopped dead in the center of the field, “center stage” and dropped down on his front knees and then down completely. There I was about to cry, embarrassed beyond the capacity of an 8 year to handle. I looked up toward the stage where my Dad was announcing the show and he was gesturing for  me to get him back up. I turned to the Grandstand full of people, bowed, got King on his feet and got back on the horse. A showman was born that night.

When we got back to the horse trailer my Dad and sisters were there, my sisters had also been riding in the show and witnessed my shame. My Dad reassured me and told me I did exactly what I should’ve done. Later he told me that he was very proud of me and how I handled the situation. It took me a lot longer to get over my embarrassment. But if it hadn’t happened, if I had been riding some fancy show horse and completed the night without an incident, it would just be another vague memory from my childhood. Instead I will always remember that night and look back with pride over how I handled an embarrassing situation.

Lately I’ve been feeling a little bit more like King the lazy pony (there’s a kid’s book idea!) instead of the plucky 8 year old. Things have been very quiet and uneventful around the Mess lately. I feel like I am losing steam. I think it is just a case of the late winter slump. We had two strange weather winters in a row here in Illinois. Last winter we had almost no snow and this winter we had no snow until late January and now it is March and winter doesn’t seem to want to give up its grip. A year ago we had unseasonable warm weather in the 80s at this time of year. Add in to that equation that last weekend was the Spring Daylight Saving time change and I’m all messed up. It is now dark and cold again when my alarm sounds at 6:15 a.m. and I don’t want to get out of bed.

My healthy living is going on as before. Steve and I did another 4 day juice fast earlier this week. We’ve both almost hit the 20# lost mark which is quite astonishing when I think about it. I know that a lot of the pants in my closet are getting too big for me. Which kind of leads me to another slump inducing feeling. I need new pants but I don’t want to make or buy more cold weather clothing at this point on the calendar. I guess I’ll just continue to wear the old baggy stuff and when the weather finally turns around I’ll come out of  my cocoon like a spring butterfly. I want to wear cute skirts and colorful dresses again dammit!

This last fast was tougher than the first one for some reason. Partly I think it is because the newness has worn off. I knew what to expect and I was bored. But I also had weird physical cravings that I didn’t have the first time around. I wanted greasy hamburgers and French fries, whereas the first time even the thought of such a thing made me gag. I knuckled through it and came out without giving in. I think there will be homemade kale chips in my near future to satisfy the salty-crunchy urge.

My yoga class came to an end and I still haven’t signed up for another session. I thought I’d just do drop in classes but without the standing  appointment time on my calendar and with my flexible work schedule I haven’t  made the effort. I have been continuing my home practice but unfortunately not with the same vigor I once had. I have been continuing my off the mat yoga studies with books, blogs and meditations. I have plans with a friend who is a yoga instructor for a private lesson coming up in a few weeks that I know will invigorate my practice. She’s going to help me design a practice that is safe for my neck. I had about a month of neck and back issues again recently that I think scared me a little and hindered my home practice.

I also haven’t been out walking as much. No excuse and no reason. Just haven’t been making it a point. I can blame the weather a little I suppose but it hasn’t been any colder or more miserable than earlier in the season. I did go out for a quick show-shoe jaunt last week. and a few quick neighborhood walks but no long woodsy rambles recently. I’m putting that on the docket for this weekend for sure. I feel it missing from my life and need it.

So I guess this means that it is time for me to give myself a slap with the reins and get back on the horse. I think my Dad is still proud of me anyway.

Chakra Yoga Mat Bag

I’ve been planning this project for at least 2 months. Finally made time to get it done last week. I was planning to draft my own pattern for this when I stumbled upon this tutorial on Pinterest. It was perfect, she’d already done all the measuring and math so I could just get to work.

I purchased the Chakra Designs from Urban Threads. I did have to resize them down by 20% to get them to fit exactly.

I used Essex linen (Moda) for the outside of the bag and a matching quilt cotton for the lining. The metal zipper is an upholstery zipper I had left over from some other home dec project. I did have to shorten the zipper and that was not fun! Next time I will know to shorten from the top of the zip and not the bottom. It all worked out but I made it much harder than it needed to be. (Of course!)

The tutorial on Modest Maven’s blog is really well written and easy to follow. The only modification I made was to use webbing for the strap instead of making one out of fabric. If I had had the supplies on hand I would’ve made the strap adjustable but I didn’t have the correct hardware. Another idea I had was to make the strap removable so it could be used as a yoga strap. I still like that idea and may revisit it in the future.

The bag is nice and roomy, plenty of room to roll a towel up with your mat if you take hot yoga classes or a thin blanket if you like to take your own to use during savasana. The tutorial includes instructions for putting a small pocket on the inside which would be nice for holding your keys, wallet or phone. I like the long zipper because it makes getting the mat in and out so much easier than bags with a draw-string opening at the top.

Having a cool bag like this is good motivation to take more yoga classes!

Resolution Check-in: 1st Quarter

The first quarter of 2013 is quickly coming to an end. How did it get to be March already? The first week is gone and I have no idea where it went! Anyhow, I thought it would be a good practice to go back and look at the “resolutions” I made and goals I set in January and see how I’m doing. It is probably also time to either set some new goals or reevaluate the old ones. So here we go.

Let’s look at the original lists and go from there.

Sewing/Crafting Goals:

• Continue to whittle away at my fabric stash by sewing up existing fabric in the never-ending stash conversion to wearable garments project. I’ve made a little progress on this one. I made a pair of jeans out of some twill I found but they are still too small. Hopefully another 10# gone will convert them into wearable garment. I also made at least one work top and some yoga clothes. But of course I had to go and add to the stash with fabric that I didn’t really need and haven’t made into anything yet. Baby steps!
• Make more pillows for the living room. This one I did. I still have a couple more to do but I did make one for the living room and one for the den.
• More machine embroidery projects. My new machine can do some amazing things and I now have Bernina V6 software. My goal is to learn as much as I can about it and master more Machine Embroidery skills and maybe even some digitizing. Not yet. But I’ll keep it on the list for the rest of the year. I have been using the embroidery unit but haven’t had time to delve into the software as much as I’d like.
• Yoga clothes. I signed up for a 7 week yoga class starting in a few weeks. Yoga clothes are expensive but with the skills I learned last spring in making bathing suits, I think I can knock out some cute tops and pants in no time for a fraction of the cost. I made one outfit and bought fabric for more.
• Embroidered yoga mat carrying bag. I want to embroider these chakra designs on linen for a bag to carry my mat and other stuff to class. Competed this one and it turned out great. Blog post with photos coming up next!
• Finish the king-size scrappy string quilt for my bed. Still in progress. I try to do a block or more whenever I’m sewing but sometimes I just don’t get much done.
• De-stash, sell, use or otherwise reduce the yarn around this place. Like fabric, it has grown to ridiculous quantities. Have not done anything on this one yet. I think there will be a de-stashing sale in the near future that will get this one moving.

Household Goals:

• Clean out and purge the following areas: mudroom, sewing/laundry closet, guest room closet, garage and shed. Some progress made here. I did clean out and purge the front closet and some of the mudroom. The crafting/sewing stuff upstairs needs more time than I’ve had recently and the weather hasn’t been good for the outdoor areas. It will get done!
• Plant pumpkins in the area where the play-set used to be. This one may be getting revised. I am now wanting to turn that area into a raised bed garden. It doesn’t get enough sun for a conventional veggie plot but I think it will be perfect for growing greens and some herbs.
• New living room sofa – the one we have now is very nice but it has a few issues. We bought it from a friend this past year but it isn’t meeting our needs. It is leather and the seat cushions don’t stay in place. You get in it and can’t get out. It has sucked the dogs and/or Emma down into its deepest recesses numerous times. Until we can afford to replace it I resolve to try to fix the velcro that is pulling away from the bottom of the cushions so that they will maybe stay in place a bit better. (I’ve been saying this for about 4 months now!) I did finally sew the velcro that is supposed to hold the cushions in place back into position. But it hasn’t helped a whole lot. It is a beautiful leather sofa, but the seats are so deep that it kills my back.
• Community Garden Plot. I’ve been putting this idea off for about 15 years! When we lived in town I had a beautiful vegetable garden and I canned my own veggies. When we moved out here I didn’t have a sunny spot for a garden and the girls were little and I just didn’t make the time or effort. I’m going to go to the park district in March and reserve a plot for this coming summer. Even if I just get some fresh tomatoes and basil I’ll be very happy. The plots are about a mile away from our house and adjacent to a forest preserve where I like to walk. Registration for these is in 2 weeks. I will get one.
• Work on living simply and intentionally. As my goals to use and reduce my fabric/yarn stash suggest, my life has gotten too full with STUFF and I’ve lost sight and room for new and fresher things.  This is a process. I am clearing non-essentials out of my life where possible. One way this has manifested is in the food we’re eating. I’m trying very hard to eliminate as much pre-packaged and prepared foods from our diet as possible. We also cleaned the basement over winter break and made numerous trips to Goodwill.

Personal Goals:

• Yoga. As I already mentioned I signed up for a Fundamentals of Yoga class at a local yoga studio. Even though I’ve done yoga for years, I thought a “real” class at a studio would be a good place to rekindle my love of yoga. Most of the classes I’ve taken in the past have been at gyms and the teachers were usually fitness instructors who had taken some classes in teaching fitness based yoga rather than true yogis who understand the full spectrum of yoga and what it all means. Last week was my last class of the 7 week course. I am going to find another class in their curriculum to keep me moving forward. I have also been doing a lot of independent study of yoga off the mat too. I also have a friend who is an experienced yoga instructor who I am making plans to barter some sewing for a private lesson and practice plan to help me continue on my yogic journey.
• Walking. I want to continue my meanderings and wanderings at local parks and forest preserves. We finally got some real winter weather here so for the last month this changed into regular snowshoe trips. I will continue these and look forward to watching the seasons change again here soon.
• Eating. No weight loss goals, even though I definitely need them. Instead I’m focusing on eating fresh and as homemade as possible this year. I think the garden plot will help  motivate me. Funny how this one is working out. I didn’t make any weight loss goals but just by changing from processed to fresh and mindful eating, I’ve lost 15#. I’ve discovered foods and flavors and cooking skills I didn’t know existed as little as a month ago.
• Get massages. I have a couple friends who are massage therapists. One friend does Thai Massage and she really helped me out this summer when my hip/lower back went cablooey. I want to start getting regular massages to continue to work on my back and neck issues in conjunction with regular yoga practice and visits to my NUCCA chiropractor. Haven’t done this yet. My neck destabilized recently so I’ve been afraid to mess with it too much.
• Deepen my spirituality. Read more books, explore different beliefs, meditate more. Maybe even go back to church or find a new church that meets my needs better. I have been deepening my yoga practice which has deepened my spirituality but I haven’t done anything formal with it. Don’t know that I will as far as finding a church or group. I’m just going to leave myself open to possibilities.
• Continue Random Acts of Kindness year-round. This is just  a way of life. If I see an opportunity to do something nice for someone else I take it. I would like to make more Giving Bunnies for the Easter season and get them out there in the world.
• Regularly reach out to people in my life and tell them what I love/admire about them. This is also one of those that is just happening naturally. I have become more open to people and am less afraid of telling someone that I love them or admire them. It feels amazing to reach out and tell someone that you think they are awesome or that you were thinking about them randomly. The more I put this kind of intention and energy out into the universe the more it has built up and come back to me too. I can’t explain it right now but maybe this one deserves a post of its own.

Family & Friends:

• Continue to work on my relationship with Steve. We’ve come a long way this year but we still have our moments. 2014 will mark our 25th wedding anniversary so this year will be all about building up to that monumental achievement so that when we get there we can be stronger than ever. This is obviously an ongoing mission. We’re doing pretty good. He’s in another busy travel period for work so that has its challenges both when he’s gone and when he’s home again.
• Host more dinner parties and play matchmaker to my friends. Not in a romantic matchmaker kind of way but instead I’d like to introduce different friends from different parts of my life. I have an eclectic mix of friends from many different areas and I’d like to start getting them together and see what interesting conversations and new friendships can develop. I think smaller groups, sharing a meal together, is the perfect way to do this. We talked about this one but haven’t had a chance to implement it yet. I was going to have an eclectic party for my birthday but I don’t know if that will happen this month or not. I still like this idea and will definitely do it, maybe when the weather starts to warm up.
• Continue to find new things to share with friends. Go places, explore new interests, share my discoveries with friends. Recently I’ve discovered the simple joy of meeting a friend for breakfast. As much fun as big parties are with a large group of friends, small one-on-one get-togethers really help strengthen and deepen friendships. This one has been a fun one to make happen. I’ve had a few lunch dates, girls’ nights out and couple dates with friends and neighbors.
• Make the time to visit my siblings, parents and nieces and nephews this year. This might be the summer to reinstate the family camping trip! I did make a trip to Michigan to spend a few days with my parents last month that was really nice. It was just the 3 of us and we got to talk and I got to help them out a little. Glad I made the effort to do it. I haven’t been the greatest aunt or sibling recently so I’ll put that on the to do list going forward.

Now I should add if I have anything new that I’d like to try.

• Run (?) the Color Run in Chicago in June. I did sign up and plan to join a Couch to 5k group at the local Dick Pond store in April.
• Grow my hair out. My youngest daughter has convinced me to let it grow out again.
• Continue to eat 90% vegetarian. I like the way I feel and it’s good for not only me but the planet too.
• Do another juice fast. It really kick started my metabolism and freshened up my taste buds. I’d like to make them a regular quarterly thing.
• Start composting again. I want to get a compost tumbler for the back yard (to keep the dogs out of the composting veggies) and maybe a worm composter for in the house.
• Write more.