Getting back on the horse.

As a kid I rode horses. Mainly for fun and to show in 4H. The first pony we got that was mine to show was a buckskin gelding named King. I don’t remember his history, probably saved from the meat packers or a trade my dad worked out with one of the many people he charmed along the way. He was harness trained and came with a little red sulky and harness. I think he preferred the harness to a saddle because when he was ridden and got tired or annoyed, he’d just lay down in the middle of the arena. He wouldn’t roll to get you off, just lie down and stay there until you jumped off. He was the King of passive aggressive behavior. He was also a pickpocket and didn’t like men but those are stories for another day.

My dad insisted that whenever he did this I was to get off, get him back up and get back on the horse. I couldn’t let him get away with it or he’d just do it more. I would just be reinforcing the bad behavior. King’s lazy behavior also led to one of the biggest learning experiences of my young life. At the beginning of the County Fair the Horse Club would put on a show. We’d ride in formation and do a big Figure 8 in front of the Grandstands. This was my first year riding with the big kids and I was nervous and excited. Looking back, it might have been my first time in front of a real audience outside of our little church. We began the Figure 8 and after the first round King and I approached the center and I could feel him starting to balk. No! Don’t do this to me! But sure enough he did, he stopped dead in the center of the field, “center stage” and dropped down on his front knees and then down completely. There I was about to cry, embarrassed beyond the capacity of an 8 year to handle. I looked up toward the stage where my Dad was announcing the show and he was gesturing for  me to get him back up. I turned to the Grandstand full of people, bowed, got King on his feet and got back on the horse. A showman was born that night.

When we got back to the horse trailer my Dad and sisters were there, my sisters had also been riding in the show and witnessed my shame. My Dad reassured me and told me I did exactly what I should’ve done. Later he told me that he was very proud of me and how I handled the situation. It took me a lot longer to get over my embarrassment. But if it hadn’t happened, if I had been riding some fancy show horse and completed the night without an incident, it would just be another vague memory from my childhood. Instead I will always remember that night and look back with pride over how I handled an embarrassing situation.

Lately I’ve been feeling a little bit more like King the lazy pony (there’s a kid’s book idea!) instead of the plucky 8 year old. Things have been very quiet and uneventful around the Mess lately. I feel like I am losing steam. I think it is just a case of the late winter slump. We had two strange weather winters in a row here in Illinois. Last winter we had almost no snow and this winter we had no snow until late January and now it is March and winter doesn’t seem to want to give up its grip. A year ago we had unseasonable warm weather in the 80s at this time of year. Add in to that equation that last weekend was the Spring Daylight Saving time change and I’m all messed up. It is now dark and cold again when my alarm sounds at 6:15 a.m. and I don’t want to get out of bed.

My healthy living is going on as before. Steve and I did another 4 day juice fast earlier this week. We’ve both almost hit the 20# lost mark which is quite astonishing when I think about it. I know that a lot of the pants in my closet are getting too big for me. Which kind of leads me to another slump inducing feeling. I need new pants but I don’t want to make or buy more cold weather clothing at this point on the calendar. I guess I’ll just continue to wear the old baggy stuff and when the weather finally turns around I’ll come out of  my cocoon like a spring butterfly. I want to wear cute skirts and colorful dresses again dammit!

This last fast was tougher than the first one for some reason. Partly I think it is because the newness has worn off. I knew what to expect and I was bored. But I also had weird physical cravings that I didn’t have the first time around. I wanted greasy hamburgers and French fries, whereas the first time even the thought of such a thing made me gag. I knuckled through it and came out without giving in. I think there will be homemade kale chips in my near future to satisfy the salty-crunchy urge.

My yoga class came to an end and I still haven’t signed up for another session. I thought I’d just do drop in classes but without the standing  appointment time on my calendar and with my flexible work schedule I haven’t  made the effort. I have been continuing my home practice but unfortunately not with the same vigor I once had. I have been continuing my off the mat yoga studies with books, blogs and meditations. I have plans with a friend who is a yoga instructor for a private lesson coming up in a few weeks that I know will invigorate my practice. She’s going to help me design a practice that is safe for my neck. I had about a month of neck and back issues again recently that I think scared me a little and hindered my home practice.

I also haven’t been out walking as much. No excuse and no reason. Just haven’t been making it a point. I can blame the weather a little I suppose but it hasn’t been any colder or more miserable than earlier in the season. I did go out for a quick show-shoe jaunt last week. and a few quick neighborhood walks but no long woodsy rambles recently. I’m putting that on the docket for this weekend for sure. I feel it missing from my life and need it.

So I guess this means that it is time for me to give myself a slap with the reins and get back on the horse. I think my Dad is still proud of me anyway.