Prepare Ye the Way

Things have been both quiet and busy around Chez Mess lately. I haven’t had much to report here on the blog because I’ve just been keeping on the same old way. Do the work, see the results, blah, blah, blah. Nothing all that motivational in maintenance. Except that everyone no matter what path you are on has to deal with times of keeping on to keep on, AKA maintenance. Whether it be spiritual growth, weight loss, overcoming addiction or just not falling back into whatever bad habits, patterns or relationships, we all face times when making big strides forward may be too much to ask and just towing the line and staying the course is the best we can expect. I don’t feel like in the past few weeks that I’ve had any great break-through's or epiphanies but I’ve also not had any backslides or break-downs so I’m counting that as a win.

We’re in the Advent season and theologically this is supposed to be a time of great expectation and anticipation. My personal experience is that it is a period of dread, angst, pressure and stress combined with a feeling of impending depression and fatigue. I attribute these feelings to the growing darkness inherent this time of year as we approach the winter solstice in addition to the societal pressures and stress associate with this jolliest of seasons. More than any other time of year this season and the holidays celebrated carry so much emotional weight and baggage for so many of us.

At some point in my life I went from the kid who had unrealistic dreams for the holidays to the adult/parent who felt the pressure to fulfill all those unrealistic, magical expectations and in both circumstances fell short or felt short changed.  And I’m not just talking about the material or faux magic of the season like Santa or Elf on the Shelf. Society and popular culture also often sets us up with unrealistic expectations spiritually this time of year. We look for magical moments of grace and love and peace and when we see greed or impatience or indifference we lose heart. Why do we expect different in December than we do in June?

This year I’m doing much better because I set the ground work months ago. I’ve been looking for grace and striving for gratitude and acknowledging the everyday magic. I’m also keeping tabs on me and my feelings moment to moment.

For instance, last night was the night we could finally decorate our tree. We cut it last weekend and Steve put it up and I finally got around to putting the lights on it Monday night. But neither Emma or I wanted to put the decorations on it either alone or without Steve & Sarah. We had to finally accept that Sarah wouldn’t be here to decorate the tree but we did want Dad to be here at least. When one of his meetings was cancelled this week and he was able to come home  a day and a half early we were very happy to have a “free” night to do the tree.

Emma and I looked forward to it. But then I got home from work after 5 and we needed to eat dinner, she was tired, she had homework, I was tired, etc. etc. Steve and I had a cocktail and put on some holiday music. I got silly and started dancing and singing around the house like an idiot. Emma came downstairs tired and hungry and grumpy and didn’t appreciate my goofiness and told me to “stop” and was basically a buzzkill. At first I was pissed and I reacted by clamming up and firing back with angry actions of silently pulling out decorations and putting away stuff. I was hurt and pissed and starting to cry. I realized that this wasn’t the way I wanted this night to go so I shut myself in the bathroom for 2 minutes and pulled my shit together. I took a deep breath or two and looked myself in the mirror and decided how I wanted to remember this night and started over. I looked at it from Em’s perspective and Steve’s. I knew that when I told Steve that we waited for him to be home and wanted him to be part of the decorating that it meant a lot to him. I knew that even though it was a school night this tradition meant a lot to Emma. I knew that over all traditions like this meant a lot to our family story and were what I had been working for our entire lives together.

Once I relaxed and leaned into the mood of the evening it was all good. Emma and Steve relaxed and enjoyed my presence and the activities. I got over myself and also enjoyed the night. We were able to laugh and goof around together and made a memory. A positive memory instead of another memory of Mom being all pissy because her feelings were hurt and things didn’t go quite like I had envisioned.

The past few days I’m starting to feel physically sketchy again. Mornings are hard. Afternoon often mean headaches and an occasional back ache. My feet hurt almost all the time. My digestion is off. I just want to sleep, but often I can’t. But still, I feel like life is good. I’m happy. I’m not a victim of my body or my emotions. I’m in control. Walking, yoga, meditation; my triumvirate of power isn’t as easy to maintain. But again, I’ve built a foundation. And I’ve gathered a team. I’ve shared my struggles and triumphs and friends have come to my side. Some to cheer me on, some to hold  my hand, some to listen to my story, and some to walk by my side because they are on a similar path. All of them have given me strength and love and grace. Some don’t even know that they have lifted me up just by their being, by my being witness to their love and grace.

For the first time in many years I am truly and wholeheartedly feeling the true meaning of advent. Goodness is on its way and I am making myself ready to receive it.

Stash conversion: Vogue 8593 & Vogue 8597

I’ve made some progress on converting stash fabrics to wearable garments. The “knits” fabric storage cube is down by almost half!

Last weekend I finally made Vogue 8593 out of some purple ponte knit. I’ve admired this pattern for quite some time and wanted to make it. I figured this would be a very nice dress to wear for the holidays. It is a very simple pattern with a great neck-line detail.

 

 

It sewed together very quickly and easily, including the invisible zipper installation. The neck pleats are a little fiddly but not difficult. They do require a good bit of trimming in the seam allowance and under-stitching to get the facing to lay nice and flat. The only fitting adjustment I had to do was add some width through the waist and hips, “just in case.” I’m not sure I needed as much as I added but I can now wear it without fearing the bulge.

I wore it to work on Black Friday and felt comfortable and polished all day long.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This top is a revisit to Vogue 8597. I’ve made it twice before and it is one of my favorite tops. Whenever the green wool jersey version is clean and hanging in my closet, it is my first choice to wear on a cold day. I had this blue wool jersey just waiting to become another “go-to” top for this winter.

I decided to try something a little different with this iteration by adding some machine embroidery.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not sure how I feel about embroidered clothing. Maybe because I grew up in a household where “Hee Haw” was a weekly Must-See-TV and thus I am all too familiar with the sartorial styles of Porter Wagoner, Conway Twitty and other icons of the golden age of Country Music. Often the idea of embroidered clothing brings to mind those good old days of the Grand Ol’ Opry and I get a weird flashback and an urge to tease my hair REAL high and wear cut-offs.

Once I started working at the Bernina dealership I started trying to wear at least one article of clothing that I had made every time I work. Now that I have a machine that makes embroidery fun and easy, I’m going to try to add touches of embroidery to items I’m making to personalize them even more.

When I bought my Bernina 180 back in 2000 I opted to not get the embroidery unit because of my above mentioned fears and for financial reasons. The 180 was more machine than I had ever dreamed of owning and just at the upper reaches of our budget even without the embroidery unit. In my mind all it would be good for anyway was putting cute little kitties and bears on T-shirts for the girls and my girls weren’t really kitty and bear kind of kids, at least not $1000 embroidery unit kitties and bears kind of kids. I did buy the unit on ebay a while back and did enjoy practicing some of the embroidery skills I learned at work at home and made some simple gifts with it. The stitch out is beautiful but the interface is a pain.

Now I have my new machine and it is a dream to use to embroider. Yesterday I was using it to make some free-standing lace snowflake ornaments (I’ll post them later) and while it was running I cut out the blue top and started serging it together. That’s when I decided to try adding some machine embroidered embellishments.

I added this little “corsage” on the shoulder. Fortunately I did a test run on a piece of scrap fabric and discovered that my stabilizer of choice wasn’t going to work. I ended up using two layers of Polymesh Cut-Away stabilizer and used some basting spray to hold all the layers together. You have to be careful when stitching designs with a lot of sating stitches on to a knit fabric because it will stretch and pull out of shape unless it is well stabilized.

I chose to do this entire design with a thread that matched my fabric for a tone-on-tone look. I like the subtle texture this gives.

 

 

I then took a bigger design from the same collection and put that on the back of the shirt. I’m not sure about this one but what’s done is done. I think it is pretty and it stitched out very nicely. But because I had to use Cut-Away stabilizer it is a little stiff.

If I get off the computer and go put the hems in the sleeves and the bottom, I can wear this to work tomorrow and find out how annoying that stiffness really is going to be.

In closing, what is your opinion on machine embroidered clothing? Tacky or tasteful? I’m thinking it is one of those things that just depends on the application. All things in moderation.

A Tale of Two Husbands

Let me introduce you to two men who live half way across the country from one another and couldn’t be both more different and more the same than any two men you can find anywhere.

They’ve only met once in real life (when this photo was taken). But have so much in common and their relationship should be a model that the rest of the country can take a lesson from in my opinion.

On the right of the photo is my husband Steve (aka Alex P. Keaton, young Republican) and on the left, my friend Nicole’s husband, Paul (aka Wavy Gravy, THE HIPPIE).

Nic and I have been friends for almost a decade (I suck at math and remembering important dates). We met through an online forum for scrapbookers. She is smart, talented, snarky and funny so of course I fell in love almost immediately. She always shared funny stories (and photos!) of stuff she and Paul would do together and I always knew they had a great relationship and admired them for it.

Steve and Paul met in person in 2010 when we were in San Diego for a family vacation. We only met for lunch and drinks outside the San Diego Wild Animal Park because of our schedules didn’t allow for more. But Paul’s outgoing personality made a lasting impression. Steve, Paul and Nic became Facebook official. Paul isn’t shy about sharing his (political) opinions online and often they differ from Steve’s but it was all good.

The key here is that they both hold strong to their opinions but maintain a respect for the other side and will listen and acknowledge the other side’s right to have that opinion even if they disagree. It helps that Steve isn’t a blind, bigoted, tea-bagging right winger, he just believes in the true, original, core values of the Republican party and is holding on to the dream that someday they will get back to that again. He believes in personal responsibility and fiscal conservatism but he also believes in gay rights, women’s rights, environmental responsibility, among other “liberal” issues. Paul also doesn’t fit all of the stereotypes that the right-wing media likes to paint of the other side either. One way to look at it is, Paul is a “responsible liberal” and Steve is a “conservative with a heart of gold”. Either way, they prove that one can not paint any group with a broad brush and make any assumptions.

The point here isn’t to focus on their differences but on how they are alike. If I say so myself, above all else, they love their wives and families. Both have put up with their wife’s crazy notions and went along and enjoyed (?) the ride. They’ve accepted our friends and welcomed them into their lives and recognized how important these friendships are for us. They’ve been there when its all fallen apart and held our hands and our hearts and nurtured us through heartbreak and pain. They’ve laughed with us (and at us!) and helped us find the funny in situations that maybe weren’t so much at the time. 

Just recently they both joined us on the wild and crazy adventure that was GISHWHES 2012 and agreed to be dressed up in silly costumes and make public fools of themselves all in the name of being random and kind. I like to believe that America and the rest of the world can eventually get to the point Steve & Paul are at, very divergent opinions and viewpoints but still friends. Above all else, kindness and respect, and most importantly, love.

Project Organization: Progress Report

 

 

 

I’ve made some progress in cleaning and organizing my sewing room. It still has a way to go but it’s getting there. What really needs to happen now is cleaning out a couple big closets and making room in them for some of the less used items that are still taking up space out here.

Can you spot the “something new” in the above photo? It is under cover and I’ve been asked to keep its arrival somewhat quiet. The reason is that we have customers who have also ordered them and the delivery has been delayed. So to avoid any hard feelings we employees have been asked to keep the delivery of ours on the somewhat “down-low.” As soon as customer orders start coming in and I’ve been given the okay, I will write up a full review and show off all the bells and whistles. Until then, just know that I am in love and have no feelings of buyer’s remorse. The 4 month wait was well worth it.

You may also notice that my big cutting island is no longer mobile. I made the mistake of trying to move it a few inches by myself last week and broke two casters off. I knew from the beginning that screwing them into hollow particle board wasn’t going to work long term but I was lazy and impatient so I went ahead with it anyway. Live and learn. A friend left me a message that she may have a solution for me, I just need to get back to her and find out what it is.

This photo may give a better idea of the progress made today. Steve helped me move the long folding table up to hold my serger, computer and embroidery unit. It is placed as an “L” with the desk that I have my machine sitting on. This has freed up room right inside the door for my dress form and to put the ironing board when needed. I now even have a bit of clear wall to hang my full-length mirror next to the dress form.

This wall behind the cutting table is still a mess and needs more attention. I’ve gotten the old pine shelves almost cleared off with the exception of misc. stuff I stuck there to get it off the island. I also need to find a home for the big embroidery floss cabinet. I just don’t know what to do with it. There is more floss there than I will ever use in a lifetime even if I cross-stitched and made friendship bracelets everyday for the rest of my life. Any suggestions?

I am almost to the point where I can start decorating and making it cozy and inviting. If I could get Steve to move his desk and accompanying piles of “stuff” out of the corner by the window, I’d put in a reading corner there with a comfy chair. But if I had a place to snuggle and read my family may never see me again!

See where I began: Where I Sew: Hoarders Edition

Operation Organization Continues

Cubby Island How-to

Inspiration & Confirmation

Life is doing a weird thing again!

You might call it synchronicity. Some call it serendipity. I call it my “Wow. That’s weird” moments.

Numerous times recently I’ve made a personal “discovery” only to have it confirmed by an outside source right after.

Take this morning as an example. I’ve been away from my yoga mat for a few days and this morning was cold and windy outside so it was a perfect day to stay inside and do my practice. I didn’t have time before taking Emma to school to do a full practice and I was feeling a bit uninspired and lacked motivation so while I was waiting for her to get ready I opened my Kindle to the Amazon store and decided to subscribe to the e-reader version of Yoga Journal. I only had time for the first issue to download before she was ready to leave.

When I got home I rolled out my mat, put on my iPod yoga playlist, which I had added some new songs to last week but never got a chance to use them in my practice yet. I just set it for shuffle, I like to be surprised and “go with the flow” of the music sometimes instead of doing a pre-planned set of asanas.

Midway through my practice, All Is Love from the motion picture soundtrack for Where the Wild Things Are came on right as I was going to begin doing some standing balance poses. I can’t help but smile and bounce a little when I hear this song. So I stood there in Tree Pose with a big goofy grin on my face. Then I just started laughing. I had an “a-ha” moment of realization that when you smile, you feel happy. I pondered that notion while I was lying in Corpse Pose.

After rolling up my mat I made my bagel and pot of tea and sat down to enjoy them while reading the recently downloaded Yoga Journal. What do I find? This article, 7 Ways to Find Calm. What is number 2 on the list but “Crack a Smile!” There is more magic afoot for sure. In reading the rest of the article I get even more confirmation that what I’ve been doing and discovering for myself is real and true and working. It’s not all in my imagination or just wishful thinking. 

Namaste!

GISHWHES 2012: The week that changed my life

Last week I participated in G.I.S.H.W.H.E.S (the Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen). What is GISHWHES? Well that is a hard question to answer. The long answer can be found here: GISHWHES Super-Wiki It describes lasts year’s hunt more than this years but you get the idea.

Basically it is an internet based scavenger hunt started by actor Misha Collins. (If you are keeping score at home I am a big Supernatural fan and he plays the part of Castiel, the fallen angel that eventually becomes God and is currently “missing” somewhere in purgatory and whom I named my dog after. Bonus points awarded for knowing my dog’s registered name is, “Webfoot’s Heaven’s Missing an Angel” and his doggy grandfather was named Misha and I didn’t know that until after I named Castiel.) In 2011 participants in the hunt were awarded a Guinness World Record for getting the most pledges to do a Random Act of Kindness. This year our goal was to get 100,000 pledges to break last year’s record.

The Scavenger Hunt consisted of over 150 items that our team of 15 had to make, do, photograph, or video in 5 days: Item List Our team consisted of Steve and I and 8 other people I knew or were known by another member of our team (Team Ottawa!!!) Six of us are a part of a group of long-time online friends that we call Zen & Chocolate, then we added 2 husbands and 2 friends and had a team of 10. That left 5 open spots when registration ended. We were combined with 5 young ladies from across the country. We had pretty good luck with the make up of our team with the exception of one person who was enthusiastic at the beginning and volunteered to do some big items and then unfortunately kind of disappeared by the end of the game. But it was all good because it was more than made up for with the enthusiasm of the rest of the team.

Team Ottawa totally blew me away with their talent and bravery. Just to illustrate what I’m talking about take into consideration just a few of their contributions:

Maxisaurus! Item #65 Create a 2 foot-high dinosaur out of sanitary napkins. 50 points

Three of you dress up like frogs and play "leapfrog" in your local Starbucks or chain coffee shop. We must see patrons and must hear "Ribbit!" each time you leap. 31 points

A stop-motion film depicting the two by two loading of Noah's arc and the ensuing flood.

Team California Dreaming (Nic, Paul & Carina) came up with some awesome stuff too:

Recite these lines from Edna St. Vincent Milay's poem, "First Fig": "my candle burns at both ends---It will not last the night;---But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends----It gives a lovely light," with a candle burning at both ends in front of your face. No other sources of light may be visible. In the background, we must hear the droning howl of Hurricane Sandy. 19 points

Make a children's doll from items found in your refrigerator or pantry. Go ahead and really creep us out with this one.
24 points

Calendar item: A photo of a scantily clad fireman (or firemen) whose skimpy attire is made entirely from kale. Model must be posing in front of a fire truck. Bonus points if, behind him, water is shooting up into the air from a hose or hydrant.
71 points

Knit a scarf that is at least 12 feet long and is being worn by 3 people at one time.
32 points

Not to be outdone Sarah in Minnesota went balls to wall (as she is known to do!) and gave us these:

We've all heard of a "flea circus". What do "flea strip clubs" look like?
28 points

Calendar item: Wear cheese and wear it well. You cannot be wearing anything but cheese. You may use any type of cheese you wish. Supermodel it posed next to or on a classic car (a classic car is any car that predates 1980.)
98 points

Steve and I had so much fun together coming up with and executing our contributions. I only made him join the hunt so if by some crazy chance we won he could go on the grand prize trip to Scotland with me. But he took it and ran with it and continually surprised me with his enthusiasm. My teammates that know him as my mild-mannered conservative husband were extremely impressed.

You and a friend must take at least 50 of your stuffed animals/dolls on a field trip to a grocery store. All of the stuffed animals/dolls must EITHER be attached to your clothing or in a grocery cart or both.
63 points

A person in a business suit with a leather briefcase jumping into leaf pile.
18 points

A dog taking a human for a walk. Human must be on all fours and have a collar around their neck and the dog must have the leash in his mouth. (From Michelle Rogatski)
34 points

Kilt made entirely of sliced cucumbers. Must be worn by a man. (From Xiomara Dilrosun)
104 points

The "Lydia Easter": Recreate a scene from your favorite movie. Hold on, not so fast! You must film this scene in the EXACT SAME LOCATION that it was filmed in the movie (same bus stop, restaurant, park, castle, shark's belly, etc.) The actors must be dressed the same, same props, etc. The more identical the scene the more points you will receive. Extra points for depicting a scene from one of Lydia's favorite movies: "Mao's Last Dancer" or any of the "Harry Potter" movies. (2 minutes) 100 points

We volunteered to do the movie scene because the Chicago area had been the scene for many great movies; Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Blues Brothers, Groundhog Day (Woodstock,IL) and Road to Perdition (Geneva, IL) But we had trouble rounding up extras and actors along with finding the time to go to those locations and work out a convincingly accurate scene. We were about to give up but in the last hours, literally, we decided to go downtown St. Charles and down Munger Rd. in Wayne/Bartlett and get some footage to edit together for our 2 minute version of Munger Rd. We had finally watched this local wonder over Halloween (I don’t think I made it all the way through) and figured between what we remembered and what was in the online trailer we could do okay. Plus we were pretty sure we’d be the only team that lived in St. Charles and would do this movie.

The time and fun I spent doing these things with Steve was the best part for me. I’m not even sure I can put it into words. We communicated, we worked together, we laughed (until I cried when trying to get cucumbers to hold together and cover his junk on the patio) and we did something new and a little risky together. After 23 years it is hard to find the new in a relationship sometimes. To all the men out there, do you want your woman to think you are sexy and awesome? The key is to surprise her, make her laugh and be willing to be vulnerable and daring with her. Other people telling me that my man is fabulous really helps too.

Overall this has been a great experience and I’d do it again. Members of our team are already planning how to do better next year and there is talk about putting together a group blog where we can continue the fun all year long. We are talking about taking the lists from 2011 & 2012 and completing more items and redoing some of them.

The one thing all of us know for sure we will be doing more and more of over the year are more Random Acts of Kindness. Little things like holding the door for someone and letting someone go ahead of you in line at the grocery or post office during the busy holiday season to bigger things like sponsoring a family in need for their Thanksgiving meal or their holiday gifts. I used to donate blood every 6-8 weeks until I had some health issues that made me ineligible and unable to donate. I’m feeling better and haven’t gotten a tattoo in over a year so I’m going to have a big steak and spinach meal and try again very soon.  Once you start looking for ways to be kind you see them everywhere and it starts to become a natural state of being.

Our RAK video. Team Ottawa bought coffee for patrons at their local Tim Horton’s. The last man is a war vet and thanked them.

I will leave you with the piece of advice our team wants to share with the world:

Raking up a pieces of a broken heart

Surprisingly there are some things that I hesitate to write about here. I don’t like to talk about specific incidences between me and my family and friends. I don’t think it is fair to tell my side of a situation in a place that is potentially “public.” (Even though I think only about 4 people actually read this blog!) But it makes it hard for me to work through difficult situations that are bothering me if I can’t talk it out here in my safe place. Plus I know that my readers have probably been through similar situations and sharing them can make them easier.

I have been struggling with a relationship for some time now and feel like it is time for me to bring it to some resolution. Or I should say that it seems like has come to a resolution on its own and I’m just now realizing it and seeing it for what it is. I’ve been given very clear signals that I’m no longer important to a (formerly) very close friend. I’ve been put aside and I don’t completely know why and it hurts. I’ve told this friend that I miss her and am available when she has time for me again. At first the responses to my overtures were politely turned down with reasonable explanations as to  why she was too busy. But after almost two months of rejections the distance has grown wider and the excuses weaker. She has made time for others and when we have been in the same place at the same time I’ve been ignored. Worst of all, there seems to be no remorse and no expression of actually missing me. Now when I even think about reaching out again I tear up and my heart hurts.

I can’t continue to do this to myself and my heart. I’ve been working very hard at healing myself and strengthening myself to deal with the shame that situations like this put me in. I haven’t had a day in the last 8 weeks that I haven’t thought about this person and our relationship. I’m haunted by it. I have to find a way to let it go. I must find a way to take this off my mind and out of my heart. I need to put myself in a place where I’m open to her when and if she ever wants to be a part of my life again but not to sit here in tears waiting for it and hurt by every little slight I feel or imagine. I don’t want to take an attitude of “I don’t need you anyway, I’m over it and moving on.” That is not how I feel and not the kind of person and friend that I strive to be. This is going to be a lesson in vulnerability and strength. The two really do go hand in hand.

A big part of the work I’ve been doing recently is opening my heart and keeping it open to life and where it leads me. I’m living in the moment as best as I can. If that means that I acknowledge and honor the love and friendship that we once had and just accept that right now in this moment it isn’t there and continue to hold my love for her in my heart I guess that is all I can do. I will not allow my shame and hurt to replace the love I feel for her as a friend with resentment and negative thoughts. If I continue to do that then when if someday life brings us back around to each other again my heart will be free to let her in again. If it doesn’t then I can go forward knowing that I had a dear friend that for a period of my life was very important and special and I can look back fondly with no regrets.

Another friend shared the following with me recently. I don’t know the original source so if you’ve seen it somewhere before and know who it belongs to please leave me a message and I’ll credit the author.

LEAF PEOPLE come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can't depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or a wind blows in your life they are gone.

BRANCH PEOPLE come into your life and they are like branches on a tree. They are stronger than leaves, but you have to be careful with them. They will stick around through most seasons, but if you go through a storm or two in your life it's possible that you could lose them. In most cases they can't handle too much weight.

ROOT PEOPLE in your life who are like the roots of a tree then you have found something special. Like the roots of a tree, they are hard to find because they are not trying to be seen. Their only job is to hold you up and help you live a strong and healthy life. If you go through an awful storm they will hold you up. Their job is to hold you up, come what may, and to nourish you, feed you and water you.

Just as a tree has many limbs and many leaves, there are few roots. Look at your own life. How many leaves, branches and roots do you have? What are you in other people's lives?

I spend a lot of time among trees. Trees need good, deep soil to grow strong and put down deep roots. My heart is like the soil that the friendship tree grows in. Trees need leaves. Leaves make a tree useful and beautiful. But a tree doesn’t have healthy full leaves if it doesn’t have strong healthy branches and roots. Cultivate the roots and the branches and leaves will inevitably grow strong and flourish. I’m going to continue to nourish my heart and make it into place where the tree of friendship can grow strong with deep roots and wide branches and leaves that I can admire for their beauty and with appreciation for their shade.

I’m not ready to get out the chainsaw and prune off any branches. I don’t think the branch (I thought it was a root but maybe I was wrong) in question is dead. Maybe it just needs some weight taken off it for a little bit.

Morning Walk: Campton Nature Trails

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are having some incredible weather here in Illinois this week. A friend on Facebook described it yesterday as being a day that looked like fall and felt like spring. We’ve had high temperatures in the mid to high 70s with a warm breeze.

Today I don’t work so I had time for a nice long walk. A morning like today couldn’t be missed. We are blessed in this area to have a great system of forest preserves and park districts, run by both our cities and our county. I am trying to visit as many of them on my morning walks as I can. Today I chose to head a little bit west to the Campton Nature Trails. What a beautiful place! There are mown horse trails that loop around the entire property and cross former farm fields and through old growth woodlands. There is a nice choice of longer and shorter trail loops which is nice when you don’t have as much time for a walk as I did this morning.  I took my time today and walked the entire perimeter trail and took about an hour and a half. I had the place almost entirely to myself. Near the end of my walk I did encounter a friendly gentleman and his standard poodle. But other than them the only other living things I saw were a large flock of blackbirds a quiet run-in with Bambi.

Can you see her? We stood like this for a few seconds. She didn’t move when I slowly reached in my pocket for my phone to take her picture. She even got a little curious and took a step or two toward me after I took her photo. I took a few steps in her direction after thanking her for letting me capture her image. She flicked her tail and a friend I hadn’t noticed off to my left also flicked its tail and they both disappeared into the underbrush.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bonus points if you can spot both of them!

I took the first photo of the post at the little bridge that crossed Mill Creek.

This photo is looking the other way. We’ve finally had some decent rain in the past few weeks so there is actual running water in our little creeks and streams in the area again.

After looping back around through some more woodlands I came out at the creek again. But this time the wasn’t a nice little bridge to cross.

 

A month ago this would’ve just been a dip in the trail. Today it had a decent little flow of water and lots of paw and hoof prints in the mud. I tried to cross by balancing on a medium sized rock in the middle but it was unstable and I ended up stepping in the water. It was pretty shallow so only my socks got a little wet. They were already pretty damp from the dew on the grass.

I am definitely adding this forest preserve to my regular rotation of morning walk destinations. The trails here will be particularly nice for snow-shoeing in the winter. If I had a horse this would be one of my favorite places to go trail riding.

When I got home I noticed that the hydrangeas by the driveway had taken on their fall colors. Back in June these same flowers brought me such joy and beauty. Now four months later they are still bringing me joy.

What is bringing you joy this week? Have you made a new discovery?

Daily Practices: Meditation

I have mentioned numerous times recently my daily practices that I have added back into my life to help keep me balanced and moving forward in my growth and recovery. They are; morning walks, yoga and meditation.

I try to do at least one of them everyday and sometimes I manage to combine all three into one activity by doing a walking meditation and stopping along the way for a brief sun salutation.

Of the three practices the one that is the most difficult for me is meditation. Either so many random thoughts and lists of “things” bombard my quieted mind that I am constantly trying to pull myself back to the practice.

In an effort to improve and grow in my meditation practice I recently went looking for resources and guidance. I asked friends if they used any podcasts or CDs for guided meditation, I Googled, I searched iTunes. I downloaded music that takes me to that place in my heart and mind where I feel at home and inspired. And I added a bunch of new podcasts to my subscription list.

One of my favorites for meditation have been the ones from Meditation Oasis. Mary’s voice is very serene and easy to listen to without being too airy. I love that in the meditation that I have listened to so far she says that if our mind wanders or a thought comes in it is okay and to just acknowledge it and let it go. So many times in the past I felt like a meditation failure because my mind kept wandering and thoughts would come in and I knew that was “wrong” and I was supposed to keep my mind quiet and focused on the breath, candle, inner light or whatever was the focus of the meditation. With her gentle okay that this will happen and to let it go I am able to move on in my meditation and stop beating myself up and moving further out of the state I am trying to achieve because I am chastising myself for doing it wrong. There shouldn’t be any shame in meditation right?

I have now discovered the associated website to Meditation Oasis and have found many valuable resources there as well. I really enjoyed reading the post about Walking Meditation as this is my favorite way to meditate. There is also a page on Nature Meditations that is helpful. I found that much of what I have always done is a form of both walking and nature meditation but with the information I’ve read here I have a new appreciation and awareness for my daily practice.

The Meditations in Action section is very interesting and I think I have done this unaware in the past but would like to make a conscious effort to try this form very soon. This is what I do when I go up to my sewing studio to play when I don’t have a specific project in mind. I will put on music and just let the day take me in whatever direction it needs to go. I may end up cleaning and organizing or working on an unfinished project that just needed the right motivation to get going again or be inspired to start something completely new and exciting.

I have also found that meditation has really helped me live in the moment and stop procrastinating. When I’m in my “zone” I will just get so much done because I just do whatever project or thing that presents itself to me. A simple, small example is the other day I was going upstairs to change over some laundry. Because I was open and aware of my surroundings I noticed a pile of stuff that had been put on the stairs to go up “sometime” but had just been walked past for a week or more. I simply picked it up, took it with me and put the few items away in the rooms, closets, drawers that they needed to go into. It took all of 5-10 minutes and very little effort at all. I continued on like this for the rest of the day and instead of feeling pressured to “get things done” I just did them with ease and mindfulness.

The next morning I started to get annoyed because the floors were noticeably dirty. In particular there were spots where something had been spilled and not wiped up in addition to some muddy paw prints by the door. Usually I think that “doing the floors” is an all morning, daunting task and I had to work in a few hours and just didn’t have the time to vacuum thoroughly, get out the floor cleaner, then scrub and wipe the corners and baseboards, etc. In other words I didn’t think I had the time to do it “right”. But I stopped, took a deep breath and took a good long look at the job in front of me. What was really bothering me right then was the sticky spill and the paw prints. So I quickly vacuumed up as much dog hair as I could and filled my mop bucket with warm water and vinegar. I didn’t roll up the area rugs, I just mopped up the things that were really bothering me. Then I noticed the area around the pet water dish was kind of gross so I mopped that too. I didn’t get down on my hands and knees with a scrub brush to get the stone and grout spotless, that was for another day, I just did the job that was in front of me. It took less than 15 minutes and I was able to go to work on time. When I got home that evening I wasn’t faced with a nasty floor and the next day on my day off I could concentrate on other things that I wanted or needed to do that day. I still haven’t had time to do the floors “right” but they are better than they were and I can live with that. 

I think many times when we think about things like meditation we think about it in a deep spiritual way and look for it to do big things and deep things and are looking to become yogis or monks or deeply spiritual beings. We don’t look for it to help us be okay with a less than perfectly clean floor or making grocery shopping on a busy Friday afternoon less stressful or to deal with rush hour traffic without flipping people off and calling strangers names. But it does. It helps to ground us in an awareness of the present moment and to make the most of that moment. For me it also helps me focus on how I feel about a particular situation rather than worrying about what others think about me and what I’m doing.  I’m learning to let go of the paralyzing pursuit of perfection and need for approval from others. I’m not completely there yet but I’m making progress.

Ice, Ice Baby: how to make ice candles

I remember my Mom making these candles for the holidays.

These candles are ridiculously easy to make and the finished product can be pretty impressive looking.

I made mine out of almost all recycled materials.

First you need to gather your supplies. I used two old pillar candles and a taper I had left over from last winter. I like to use a taper candle for the wick instead of a standard wick because the holes the ice leaves can make air pockets inside the candle and the taper will stay lit better than a bare wick.

SUPPLIES:

Clean half gallon milk carton

Pillar candle wax or old pillar candles to recycle

Taper candle the height of the mild carton or taller

Crushed ice

 

 

 

 

I chopped up the pillar candles and put them in the double boiler to melt. See my post about making soy container candles for how-to and safety tips for melting wax.

I am not going to show you how I chopped up these old candles because it was decidedly NOT a recommended way to do it and I don’t want to be responsible for any nasty candle related amputations!

As the wax melted, bits of soot and old wick floated to the top. I carefully used my wooden skewer to fish them out. I suppose you could strain your melted wax to remove any other little bits of stuff that may be in there from the old candles but I wasn’t that concerned.

Once the wax was melted I prepared my milk carton by filling it with crushed ice. I also added a little bit of fragrance oil to the melted wax at this point. I used Vanilla Hazelnut because the original pillar candles were already vanilla scented and I just wanted to boost the fragrance a little bit.

My refrigerator has crushed ice through the door so I just used that. Some of it was shaved pretty fine and next time I will probably just take cubed ice, put it in a baggie and smash it up with a hammer to get bigger chunks.

 

 

Shove the taper candle down into the ice, centering it as best you can. The ice should hold it upright while you pour the melted wax.

 

 

 

Carefully pour the hot wax into the milk carton. Much of the ice will melt immediately so it is a good idea to put your carton in a pan to catch any water that may run out. Usually the milk carton is still water tight so that doesn’t happen. The wax will start to harden quite quickly because of the cold of the ice. You can go ahead and pour off any water that rises to the top. (Don’t pour it down your drain! It will have floating bits of wax)

Let the whole thing cool and harden for a half an hour or as long as you can be patient. Then tear the carton off your new candle. There will probably be some bits of ice and water inside the candle at this point. I just sit it in a shallow dish to catch the water as it melts away.

At this point your candle is pretty much finished. As you can see with mine the taper candle I used as a wick sticks up above the level of the wax. After all the ice melted out of it and it dried, I lit the taper and let it burn down to where the taper is now level with the top of the candle.

Also because I used such fine crushed ice there are a few areas where the holes are really fine and the wax was almost lacy and fell apart easily. Next time I’ll be more careful with my pour and the size of ice chunks I use.

When you burn this candle be sure to sit it on a candle tray or other wax and fire proof surface. The holes make it a somewhat unpredictable burning candle and melting wax can come dripping out of the sides at unexpected places. But when the wick gets down inside the candle it throws a really pretty effect through the holes in the wax.

A fun modification to this process is to leave the candle in the carton until all the ice is melted and pour the water out. Then melt another batch of wax and color it and pour it in to the mold. The new colored wax will fill in the holes left by the ice and make a really cool looking multi colored candle.

You can also use all kinds of recycled packaging for molds. How about a tall cylinder candle made with a Pringles can? Or a rectangular one out of a soy milk carton or the Tazo Chai tea carton? If it is waxy, water-proof container it will hold wax and be able to be torn away easily.

Hope this inspires you to recycle some old candles into something unique and special for your holiday decorating. If you do make one of these (or anything else inspired by my tutorials) I’d love it if you shared a photo with me. Either email it to beth AT myeclecticmess.com or post a link to it in the comments.

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Speaking of comments, I know with my old theme the comments were hard to see and sometimes it would seem like they weren’t going through when they really were. So I changed themes until I have some time to do some much needed blog tweaking. Like all bloggers I LOVE COMMENTS! It lets me know someone is listening. I also love Facebook followers and I’d love to increase that number too. So if you would please comment on posts that you like and follow me on Facebook I’d be eternally grateful. It would also be really sweet if you’d share me with some friends and encourage them to follow/share/pin/comment.

(Whew! That was hard. I really have a hard time asking for followers/comments. It just isn’t in my nature to ask. The way my mind works is that I just do what I do and if people like it and it is worthy, they will comment/share/pin etc. But I’ve come to realize that sometimes you just have to ask for what you need and hope for the best. It is all about being vulnerable. Thank you for understanding.)

Daring Greatly

This morning wasn’t one of those fabulous Happiness Hangover kind of days. I was struggling. I am struggling. But I’m okay.

I had a busy weekend. Had to work Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Went to a friend’s birthday party Saturday night and stayed out too late and had maybe a bit of the bad kind of hangover Sunday. Drove 8 hours round trip to Michigan and back to pick up my daughter from visiting her sister at college on Sunday. She was sick by the time we got home so even though she didn’t have school Monday morning, I had to get her up early to go to a doctor so I could be to work on time at 10:00. The doctor found nothing wrong with her and sent us home. By the time I was about ready for bed last night I felt rather frazzled.

I decided to do a short yoga session before going to bed. I had a real hard time silencing my mind and relaxing my body. My neck hurt. My middle back had been in and out of spasm since Sunday morning. I lit a candle, put on some music and rolled out my mat. It wasn’t smooth, it wasn’t mind expanding, it wasn’t anything special. It just was. It was just what I needed and I went to bed and slept soundly until dawn.

But I wasn’t “all better” this morning. I knew I needed to go walking. I hadn’t been out since Thursday or Friday. But it was dark and cold. I was tired. I had a chiropractor appointment at 9:00. I just wanted to take Emma to school and come home and fart around online for an hour. But I knew that if I didn’t go, it would be even harder to find the motivation the next time I was tired or cold or depressed. I put on my warm clothes, put my iPod in my pocket and drove to the forest preserve. It wasn’t a perfect day. The trees weren’t brilliantly bathed in autumn sunlight. The forest animals didn’t come out to scamper and play at my feet. I took a path I’d never taken before and it was kind of desolate and creepy. I even got a little lost but just ended up turning around and going back the way I’d come because I’d literally ended up on the wrong side of the railroad tracks.

After getting back on a familiar trail I pulled out my iPod and put on a podcast that I’d been wanting to listen to all weekend. Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly Read Along. I devoured this book last week and it has had a profound impact on me already. I’ve decided to go back and reread it with the Read Along. I’m also reading one of her earlier books; I Thought It was Just Me (but it isn’t). I think I may be on the path of becoming an apostle or groupie or something.

In these books she talks about shame and how it effects us and how we can become resilient to shame experiences. We can never be shame-proof but we can learn to recognize the signs and know the triggers and learn to cope and bounce back from those things that send us into a shame cycle. I’m also learning how to become more empathetic and to recognize the signs of shame reactions in others.

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”

“Shame is hating yourself and understanding why other people hate you too.”

When we experience shame, we feel disconnected and desperate for worthiness. When we’re hurting, either full of shame or even just feeling the fear of shame, we are more likely to engage in self-destructive behaviors and to attack or shame others.”

Reading the above words in these books stopped me in my tracks. I could feel these words in my gut and in my heart. I have lived shame for most of my life. I’ve hated myself and other people. I’ve lashed out and attacked others all because I was feeling shame or was afraid of shame. A few times I had made myself vulnerable and opened up to people and was hit full force by the Shame Train. I need to get a handle on this if I am ever going to become wholehearted.

In Daring Greatly she talks more about vulnerability and how true greatness and creativity come out of moments of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. This is scary because we want to avoid shame and opening ourselves up to being vulnerable also opens us up to the possibility of experiencing shame.

Over the years of writing a blog I’ve struggled with vulnerability and shame. I’ve found it difficult to know just how much to share in order to make my writing interesting and engaging without going too far and opening myself up for ridicule and shame. When I look back however I do realize that the posts I’ve written that have gotten the most positive response have been the ones where I was very honest and told stories that have elicited a “thank you for writing that, I feel just like that sometimes. You are so brave.”  I don’t know about that but I do know that all I can do is write what I know. And often what I know is painful and embarrassing and sometimes it is enlightening and positive.

“The power of owning our stories, even the difficult ones, is that we get to write the ending.”

I think it is important to share our stories and to let each other know that it is okay to struggle and it is okay to celebrate our successes. Shame hides in dark places and in the silence. If we bring it out into the open and shine the light of compassion on shame, it can’t survive.

So the last few days haven’t been bliss-filled days that have moved me toward enlightenment. So what? It is still part of my story and I think it is important to share that too. I’m living in the moment and appreciating the now. It’s all I can do sometimes.

The Hangover

Most of us have had a hangover of one kind or the other at some point in our lives. The kind that comes to mind most readily is the kind that make you say, “never again.” You vow to never over imbibe to this point. You may or may not remember what you did after a certain point in the evening the night before. What you do remember may be embarrassing to say the least. In short you feel like shit and never want to feel that way again. For some lucky people all it takes is one hangover and they never do it again. They are those smart people who actually learn from their mistakes. I am not one of those people unfortunately. I’ve suffered through my fair share of awful hangovers and every time swear that will be my last one.

What I’m going to write about today is what I’ve come to start calling “Happiness Hangovers”. These are awesome and the kind you DO want to repeat.

Since I’ve started taking care of myself again I wake up many mornings with what I call a Happiness Hangover. I know it is dorky as hell and I’ve been trying to come up with a better term but this is what keeps coming back to me. These are what happen when the day before I managed to stay in the moment, find joy in everyday things and just live as well as I possibly could for that day. I wake up refreshed with energy and a positive attitude for the day.

Let me compare this again to the nasty kind of hangovers for a second. Often when I have a bad hangover I may wake up initially and not feel too bad. I may have a little headache or a bit of cotton mouth but I figure I can get up and get moving and everything will be alright. But then as the morning progresses something happens and the effects of the hangover get progressively worse. I start to feel nauseous and dizzy and even the idea of food makes me queasy. Now to compare that with a Happiness Hangover. With these I may wake up just okay. Maybe I didn’t sleep as well as I’d have liked or some little annoyance from the day before keeps coming back to my mind and I can’t leave it alone. Then I get up and do the work to get myself to that good place. I take a walk, I meditate, I listen to inspiring music, I do my yoga practice. Then the happiness starts to settle in again. I feel calm, centered, balanced, in charge.

Sometimes just like with the bad hangover the effects of a Happiness Hangover hit me by surprise. One day last week I was walking in the morning and all of a sudden the sun hit a tree in just such a way that the red and gold fall leaves lit up and I stopped and just smiled and was overcome with a feeling of peace and happiness. I just stopped there in the middle of the trail and said to myself, “Holy shit Beth, you are about as happy as you’ve ever been right now in this moment. Stop and take this all in and remember how it feels. This is a big deal.”

Now every day since I look for those little moments and I try to stop and appreciate them. I’d totally tweet or Facebook status them but I’m sure I’d start to really annoy people with my Mary Freaking Sunshine act in short order. And these moments aren’t for anyone else. They are strictly for me. I hold them and store them away for those dark times when I need to feel love, peace and yes, happy.

I’m building up an arsenal of daily practices that unlike alcohol, you can’t overindulge in. The more I do these things the better I feel and the stronger the Happiness Hangover is the next day. I think I will start making a list of these things and start sharing them one by one and how I’m using them in my daily life to stay on this path.

It has been just about 7 weeks since I started to change how I am living my life and to make positive changes. In many ways it is getting harder to maintain the momentum. In others ways things are getting easier. At first the growth was huge and it was easy to keep the motivation going. Every day I felt a little clearer and stronger than the day before. Now the changes are more subtle and some growth has slowed down. But I must keep going forward and trust in the process.

If all else fails, I have a bottle of this in my shower. Seriously, the morning of my happiness epiphany I got home and jumped in the shower started laughing out loud when I realized the name of my shower gel. Synchronicity works in amazing and very silly ways at times.

Handmade Soy Candles

We burn a lot of candles around here. Some of us like them because of the ambience and mood they set. Others burn them because they smell nice and cover up the scent of dog and dust. But candles, especially the fancy strongly scented ones, can be very expensive.

For my birthday last spring I received candles from 3 different people. That just goes to show how evident my candle love is I guess. When Emma and I went to the Ren Faire this summer we oohed and ahhed over the Beeswax candle seller’s booth and walked away with a bag full of scented wonderfulness. While I love a nice Yankee Candle or one of the many Target knock-offs, nothing is quite the same as a handmade candle. Plus I find that soy or beeswax candles burn longer than store bought candles and soy creates less soot for a cleaner burn. I’ve managed to burn through 3 out of the 4 candles I received back in March.  So in order to light up the long winter evenings and make the joint smell more pleasant than a dirty dog, Emma and I decided to make some candles this fall.

First of all we gathered all the old jar candles we had with just a bit of wax in the bottoms and cleaned them out. There are different ways to do this. If the wax is thicker than a half an inch or so I will pop them in the freezer overnight and often the wax will pull away from the sides of the jar and fall right out. Be careful with the frozen jar, it can break or shatter if exposed to temperature fluctuations or if you knock it hard. NEVER pour boiling water into a frozen jar! If the remaining wax is thinner I will pour boiling water into the jar and watch as the old wax rises to the top like a groovy lava lamp. Once it cools I can take the wax off the top of the water and toss it away. (I could save it and add it to new candles I suppose.) DON’T POUR THE WATER WITH MELTED WAX DOWN YOUR DRAIN! (I take mine outside and toss it in the fire pit.) Once all the big amount of wax and the old wick are removed I run them through the dishwasher to remove any remaining small bits of  wax and labels.

I ordered new wicks, wax and other miscellaneous supplies from PEAK candle supply. I really like the wicks with the metal holder attached that I hot glue to the bottom of the jar or tin. I have a bag of small tins with lids leftover from projects at the store that make perfect little travel candles.

One thing that is very important when making candles is to have a pot to melt the wax in and a double boiler set up. I ordered a new pouring pot from Peak because I can’t find the one I used to use. I’ve even used an empty coffee or juice can but they don’t have a nice handle and pour spout.

To make a double boiler I use a heavy saucepan half filled with water with 3 canning jar lids in the bottom to hold the melting pot up off the bottom of the pan. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO NEVER MELT WAX OVER DIRECT HEAT! Always use a double boiler. Wax is very flammable and dangerous. Never walk away from melting wax while it is on the heat source. It can go from “just melted” to ignition in a second. There is a reason they call it “Flash Point.”

I ordered 10# of soy container wax that is specially formulated for jar candles. Container wax is a little softer than pillar wax and I think holds scent better. I also like that this wax is in flake form. Super easy to weigh and measure. I also made sure that the wicks I ordered were the right sizes for the containers I was going to put them in.

First thing to do is to attach the wicks to the bottoms of the containers. I just used a dot of hot glue to the metal tab and carefully positioned them on the bottom of the jar/tin. One jar was giving me fits, the tab just wouldn’t stick! Then I realized that it was still a little wet from when I washed it out. Duh! If your jars are too deep to reach down into the bottom use a skewer or chopstick to press the tab in place.

The wicks I bought are pretty stiff and will probably stand up straight but I still like to hold them in place while I pour the hot wax. I found that a pair of skewers and some small orthodontic rubber bands hold them perfectly. If you don’t have a houseful of people currently or in the recent past wearing braces, use tape or other small rubber bands.

Now it is time to prepare your wax. I recommend getting all your jars with wicks in place before melting your wax. I like to weigh my wax so I know how much fragrance oil to add and if I like the results I can repeat them again in the future. I went with a ratio of .5 ounce fragrance oil to 1# of wax (pre-melted.) The wax I bought is in flake form so it is really easy to measure and weigh. Carefully and slowly melt your wax using the double boiler set up described earlier. Once it is all liquefied, remove it from the heat and add your fragrance oil. (Note about FO: Some have a lower flash point, the temperature at which all the scent will burn off. If yours has a low flash point, use a thermometer to gauge your wax and only add it after it has cooled to that point.) When stirring in your FO be careful not to stir in any air bubbles. This is also when you can add a colorant if you wish. Anything from crayons, bits of old candles or dye specifically made for candles can be used.

You can now start carefully pouring the melted and scented wax into your containers. The wax I used is a “Single Pour” wax. This means that it shouldn’t need a second pour after it has cooled. Some waxes will settle around the wick and need a second pour to fill up the void.

Something I didn’t do but may try in the future is to preheat my glass containers. On one of my finished candles I can see where the wax didn’t adhere to the sides of the glass all the way to the bottom. It was one of the last I poured and I think my wax had started to cool. I’ve read that if you blast the inside of your glass jars with a heat gun or even a hot hair dryer it will warm up the glass and not “shock” the wax so it adheres well to the sides. It makes sense to me and I will do this on any candles I plan to give as gifts or possibly sell.

Now all you have to do is wait for the wax to cool and solidify. I can tell you that these smelled SO good! We used a Lilac scent oil and the house smelled like a May morning.

 

Once everything is cool you can remove the “wick sticks”, that’s what I call them anyway. The last step is to trim the wicks before you burn them. I use a nail clipper to trim them to about a 1/4”.

I like to let them sit for at least 24 hours before burning them to be sure everything has cured. But I can tell you that I have one burning in the kitchen right now and it is heavenly.

Make It Soap

AKA: Earl Grey & Honey

I had the day off today and some time to do more soap making experimenting. I had this idea that I could use cold tea instead of water in my soap recipe. I had a bottle of bergamot essential oil for fragrance. I knew I made some mistakes in making my first batch and wanted to try again and try to do it right this time.

I often have some left over tea in my little pot in the morning that I forget about or don’t have time to drink. I started putting it in a jar in the fridge to save for soap. I drink Teavana Earl Grey loose tea and it has a nice strong bergamot flavor.

Last time I used coconut oil, lard and olive oil as my fats. This time I wanted to make my batch larger and use almond oil instead of olive oil. So I did a little math and put my ideas into the SoapCalc lye calculator to come up with this recipe:

• Coconut Oil (76degree) 11.2 ounces
• Lard                             9.6 ounces
• Almond Oil                   11.2 ounces
• Tea                              12.16 ounces
• Lye                               4.7 ounces (133.713 grams)
• Bergamot Essential Oil    1.7 ounces
• Honey                               1 ounce

Turn crockpot on high to preheat and measure out oils. I started with the solid oils (butters) to get them melting. Once I had all the oils in the pot and melting I measured out the tea and lye. It is VERY IMPORTANT that when you mix the liquid and lye you pour the LYE INTO THE WATER (tea). Otherwise you will have a caustic volcano on your hands!!!! And I can’t say it enough, WEAR GOGGLES AND GLOVES!

One thing I didn’t do Sunday that I was careful to do today was I took the temperature of my lye mixture and the oils before combining them. I’ve read that when doing hot process the temps of the two components isn’t as important but I wanted to do it “right” this time! LOL

Once my oil was completely melted and at about 110 degrees and the lye mixture was at about 120 degrees I carefully poured the lye mixture into the oil pot. And I also took the oil pot out of the crock pot to take it off the heat.

 

I stir it all together and use the stick blender for a bit to get everything emulsified. Another mistake I made Sunday was that I totally over-used the stick blender. To the point that I burned the motor out! Not only did I ruin a brand new stick blender but I over processed the soap to the point that it was “done” before I set it to cook.

Can you see the nice “latte” color of the mix? That is from the tea. The natural scent of the tea didn’t last through the mixture with the lye but that’s okay.

This is what I think is considered “light trace”. It is when the mixture is about the consistency of warm pudding or mayonnaise. Again most of the stuff I’ve been reading says that achieving “trace” isn’t as important in hot process soap making. Just get everything mixed together real well. If it is this nice creamy color, it is good to go.

 

 

Then I put the pot back in the heating element of the crock pot and set it on low with the lid on. After about 15-20 minutes I started to see some gelling around the edge.

Patience is truly a virtue with soap making! I had to keep myself from lifting the lid and stirring this stuff! That was what I did Sunday and never got the look that I’d seen on all the blogs and tutorials I had read.

THIS is what I was waiting for! The gelled soap had pretty much engulfed the raw soap. I gave it a few more minutes on the heat and then all the light colored raw soap was gone and it all looked like oily Vaseline.

I took it off the heat and stirred in the essential oil and honey. It is now ready to pour into the mold.

		Soap Mold VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

I made my soap mold out of the Amazon box that the soap making books I just ordered came in. It even came with a flat piece that fit perfectly into the bottom that I taped in to give a smooth bottom. I had to line it though so I kind of lost the smoothness. I’ll have to work on my lining skills.

This recipe didn’t quite fill this mold as deep as I had hoped. I’ll either need to use a different mold or make my recipe bigger. In hindsight, this would be a good recipe for a Pringle’s can, I’d just have to use the oil amounts from the earlier batch to make it a bit smaller. As it was, it was about a half an inch thick rather than the 1-1.5” thickness that I had hoped for. I think a recipe with 3-3.5# fat would be just about right. This recipe had 2# fat.

Hot process soap isn’t as smooth and creamy as cold process but especially for a “natural flavored” soap like this one I think the rough surface works really well.

At some point I will try cold process. I’m not sure why it is recommended to get comfortable with CP before trying HP. To me having all that raw soap with active lye around until it cures is “harder” than just cooking it down and molding it and being done. But maybe I’m just too impatient for CP. I have seem some really amazing CP soaps with cool color effects and really nice, smooth shapes so I will have to give it a go at some time.

I left it to harden for a few hours. You can see that it lightened up in color as it cooled. At this point it smelled so good! Just like a hot cup of Earl Grey Tea! I let it sit on the kitchen counter like this while I ran some errands and picked Emma up from school. We had some shopping to do too so it probably sat for 3 hours.

 

I cut it into thirds the long way and then into six pieces the other way for 18 finished bars of soap. They only weigh about 2.5 oz. each at this point which is quite a bit lighter than I’d like for a finished bar. I’m going to have to get a different mold or modify my recipe a bit to get the finished size I ultimately want.

Overall I’m really happy with this batch of soap. The scent is divine! It truly smells like a cup of Earl Grey, hot (with a touch of honey). I think Jean Luc would enjoy a nice bubble bath with it on the Holodeck!