Partnership

 

Yesterday was our 19th Anniversary!

It really doesn't seem like all that long but when I look at so many people around us I realize that it is a pretty big accomplishment in this day and age. We don't have a magic formula. It is really quite simple. Don't break up. I've quit and given up on a lot of things in my life, but our family and marriage isn't one of them. Not to say it has been a perfect, blissful, fairytale ride for 20 years. Far from it. We just made a promise to ourselves, each other, our children and our families and we stuck to our commitment and when the going got rough, we knuckled down and got through it.

If I had to make a list of the things that have helped us stick it out and overcome the rough spots it would be:
1) Maintain a sense of humor. Inside jokes, humbling teasing and many other forms of goofiness make life easier in general. Be sure to laugh at yourself most of all.
 
2) Make time for each other. Go on vacations or just out to dinner together. Sometimes all it takes is a cocktail and conversation at the end of the day to feel reconnected. This has gotten easier as the girls have gotten older. Back when they were little we still made the effort to get a sitter or send them to Grandma's or my sister's for a weekend so we could be together.

3) Make your family a priority. This one is similar to #2 but in this one we include the girls. We've always put a priority on family time. Sometimes it is a big family trip somewhere and others it is just a game of Scrabble or mutually agreed upon movie. We've made a point of teaching our girls that family comes first, friends may come and go, but you'll be sisters forever. It is much easier being a cohesive family unit when everyone is getting along. When the bitching and squabbling start, we know it is time for some forced family fun!

5) Make time to be alone. Personal time and space is just as important as time together. When the girls were little and I was with them 24/7 and Steve was on the road for work for days at a time, my need for alone time was tremendous. If I hadn't been able to get away to my craft room or go for a walk by myself regularly, I would've cracked. There were times that I did crack but Steve helped put the pieces back together and we learned this lesson.

5) Go to bed mad. I know this is counter to the old wives' tales but hear me out. Sometimes when you are tired and angry prolonging the argument and to continue to try to get your point across just isn't worth it. Most of the time, a good night's sleep and a fresh perspective is all that is needed. Just be sure to take the time when both parties are rested and calmed down to revisit the issue and resolve it or it will rear its ugly head at another time and in another form.