A change of seasons

 

Today was my last official day at the store.

I'm not sad about it surprisingly. I'm ready for the next phase. I learned a lot about running a small business, my limitations, my strengths, and my weaknesses.

I am really going to miss talking with customers and helping to pick out fabric and answering questions. After all these years being home with my kids and dealing with the "Mommy Culture" I forgot that I can really be a people person. I love sharing what I know and what I am good at and meeting new people. I've met some really great people over the past year that I wouldn't have ever had the chance to meet otherwise. People like; Shannon, Emily, Catherine, Dawn, Sofie & Sarah (my young sewing sisters!), Libby (their Mom), Ginny, Jeanie, and many more that my tired mind is blanking on right now.

I also have to give a shout out to my friends that encouraged and supported me from the very beginning; Jodee, Lydia, Jamie, Carla, Carol (all my ol' Friday knitting buds. I will be back now that my Friday mornings are my own again!) and my online girls who have always had my back no matter what. They tell me that I am an inspiration to them, they have no idea what their belief has given me. No one should ever step off the edge of a cliff like starting their own business without a back up of super-powered friends to offer moral support. If it weren't for Laney's suggestion last summer that I start listing some of my fabrics on Etsy, I may have gone bankrupt by now. It was always so great to have our little private virtual world to go vent, cry, share worries, triumphs, ask advice and just be held up when I was too tired to paddle anymore and in fear of drowning, Zen ladies, you are my sisters, friends and my heart. I love you all.

And my family. Before Sarah was even conceived Steve and I decided that I would be an at home Mom. We were fortunate enough that he had an income that not only allowed but also afforded us a very comfortable lifestyle. (Fortunate being relative, he's worked his ass off for 20 years and we've sacrificed a lot of family time and I've single parented a lot while he traveled and worked long hours, but I digress.) So for me to not just go back to work but to launch my own business and work it all alone was a HUGE change for all of us. The girls have been real troupers and even though their rooms are still shit-holes of clean & dirty laundry they have rarely complained that I wasn't home when they got off the bus or any of the other little things that they had to compromise on over the past year. They also did a good job of stepping up and doing more chores around the house and learned to turn to Steve sometimes for help, advice, rides(!), money ;) , and many other parent things that were always my job by default before. Steve has also been great about all of this business stuff. It was always understood that this was my "thing" but he was always there to sound off to and to support me and offer encouragement (and rent money!LOL). It didn't take long before Saturday mornings meant me taking off to the store and him cleaning the house and starting the weekend's laundry. I really couldn't have done it without their support and love.

There are three other people that really helped me out a lot this year in both physical and emotional ways; my parents and my sister, Pam. My parents, Bob and Doris are probably the world's greatest parents. Okay maybe Ozzie and Sharon Osbourne get that title but they are right up there. Needless to say, they are the best parents I've ever had. In 42 years there have been very few time they've said I couldn't do something if I didn't just give it my best effort. They always gave me the opportunity to do the best I could within our means and left the rest up to me and my abilities. There were many times I doubted I could even compete only to be encouraged and gently pushed only to find an opportunity for growth and more times than not, success. They don't push, but they are right there to help, encourage, support, love (and build things!) when and if they are asked. My sister Pam is my mentor and sounding board. Over the years I've alternately modeled myself after her and/or struggled to find my way in an opposite direction from her. But our orbits inevitably end up circling back in the same direction. Over the last 20 (who am I kidding, 40) years, we've commiserated over family, husbands, children, colic!, endometriosis, art, and our businesses. She is the one person that no matter what is going on that I think no one will ever understand or I am too embarrassed to talk to anyone else about, I can always know I am safe with her. She and Brenda are the reasons I tell Sarah and Emma, "Friends will come and go, but sisters are forever." (Kind of like herpes.)

All in all, as far as mid-life crises go, this one has been a good one. I'm a better person, I know myself better, I have more friends and colleagues, and I'm not completely broke (but I do have a federal bailout level of credit card debt)! I'm getting out while the getting's good. I'm looking forward to sharing more here on my blog, creating again, having "down time", exploring new avenues, and continuing to grow and expand. (But not my waistline, I had to give up my morning walks with Shadow and Heidi and my friends at the dog park last year and I look forward to going back to that again.)

Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. This is meant to be. About 16 years ago (in the midst of infertility anguish I took this as my mantra) I decided I would try to live every day as it was presented to me. Shortly after I made that declaration in my life I found myself having every other declared wish be realized in one way or the other. I told myself if I couldn't be a Mom, I'd be the best aunt ever, my sister called me to say she was expecting and Steve and I were also asked to be godparents to his sister's boys. I wanted a puppy to spoil and practice my parenting skills on, Steve's co-worker had a litter and Sophie became my surrogate child (I was pregnant for Sarah within a month of bringing Sophie home.) When I was in my darkest hour of wanting to be a Mom, I went for a walk, I made a choice outside a drugstore, go in and give up and buy a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of booze or buy a pregnancy test. I bought the test against all hope and all logic. I went home and took the test. It was positive. Best decision of my life. Four months ago I declared that if I could just clear enough in sales to pay the remainder of my obligations for rent, utilities and other over-head costs, I'd be able to close the store happy. I am able to comfortably say that wish has been granted. For the first time since the initial seed money ran out (much sooner than expected!) I have money in the bank to pay all my bills.

I've always been very open and honest about who and what I am and what is going on in my life. I've never intended to be an inspirational person or anything like that. But I do want to say, if you have a dream or a wish (please let this not sound too Oprah-ish!) just put it out there. Follow it. It may not lead where you thought it would. Be open to where it does lead, you may be surprised, often times the greatest dreams are fulfilled in outlandish ways.