There is a Shadow on my heart

 
I had to say good-bye to my best friend today.
A month ago Shadow got a huge swelling lump on his neck. We thought it was an animal bite and he was on three weeks of antibiotics. It went away almost completely but last week it came back and he was gagging and vomiting. I took him in and they biopsied it and put him back on antibiotics. He was also x-rayed and it showed "haziness" in his chest and an inflamed spleen. He's been getting progressively worse all week. Monday he had bloody vomit and quit eating. Yesterday he started collapsing. I got him to eat a little last night but he then had bloody diarrhea. This morning he collapsed again in the yard and I could tell he was miserable. I had my neighbor help me get him in the car and I took him in to the vet. The test results showed that it was an extremely rare malignant tumor on his salivary gland. There was nothing that could be done for him.

He's at peace now. I'm not. Please indulge me while I remember what an awesome dog he was.

He came into our lives on Halloween 2001 as a rescue from CILRA. He was born and spent the first 6 months of his life in Indiana. The story we were told was that he was owned by a college student that didn't have the time to give him the attention he needed. He was already crate trained and just wanted to be loved.

I took him to obedience classes and he loved it. But he was so attached to me that he couldn't pass the sit-stays and down-stays because I was across the room and he just wanted to be at my side. He quickly learned to do what he was born to do, retrieve. I taught him to go out to the end of the driveway and get our newspaper in the morning. He loved that job so much that he decided he'd do it for the entire neighborhood. We'd wake up to 3 or 4 papers on our front step! One time when I was sick and slept in he went out the doggy door, over the fence, got the paper and returned the same way to bring me the paper in bed.

He came to us with the name Murphy but we didn't think if suited him so we renamed him Shadow. It was the perfect name because he followed me everywhere like my shadow. If he was outside when I had to leave the house, he'd follow me. Numerous times I'd have to call the house to tell whoever was home to come to the end of the street and get him because he had followed my car. When we had our lake house he'd follow me when I took the kayak out. I finally just got him his own life vest and took him with me. People along the shore would point and comment on this funny dog paddling along side my kayak in perfect heel position. When I took him to the off leash dog park when all the other dogs were running ahead to greet other packs, he'd stop partway down the path, turn and look to me and only after I gave the okay would he go join in the fun. Even then, he'd soon return to my side where he was most happy.

A few years ago we had a scare when he was diagnosed with heartworm. It was at the same time that Heidi had to have emergency surgery for swallowing a ball of macrame twine. We nursed them both back to health and vowed to be more vigilant dog owners.
  
He was an old soul. He had such a mellow and sweet personality. He loved to cuddle. He'd wait for Steve to get up in the morning and then take his spot on the bed. When Steve was traveling he'd just take ownership of that side of the bed. Another part of his daily routine was to come into the bathroom when I was showering and sleep on the bath mat. I literally could not go anywhere in this house without him being a few steps away. Early on he started showing signs of separation anxiety and we would crate him when we left to help keep him calm. One time I was working on scrapbooks on my dining room table and had to leave quickly to go pick the girls up at school. I was only going to be gone maybe 10 minutes so I left him out. I returned to find paw prints on my latest layouts and other evidence that he had been standing on the table while I was gone! It was just his way of being near me in any way he could.

He will also be remembered as the stinkiest dog in the world! His farts could clear a room. One morning at the dog park he practically cleared the park with his incredibly noxious fumes! He found cat and deer poop to be a particular kind of delicacy but it didn't agree with his digestive system and we all had to pay the price.

I can't go without also mentioning the other heart break we experienced this week. Sarah's cat Latte was killed by a wild animal Friday night. Our neighbors found him in the woods behind the pool on Saturday. We got him and his twin brother Leche from a local farm about 5 years ago. He was a huge white tom cat with gorgeous blue eyes. He would always sleep on my feet at night.
   
They will both be missed. I need a break from the heart break right now. I think I'll go cuddle with Heidi, Leche and Ozzie.