Heidi: an update

Back at the beginning of December I shared about how my Berner, Heidi has been slowly losing the use of the back legs. We believe she is suffering from a disease called Degenerative Myelopathy (DM). At that time I started her on a new diet and started focusing on trying to help her enjoy as much of the time as she has left with us.

At that time my goal was to get her through the holidays with us which I'm happy to say she did with ease. True to her heritage she loves the cold weather and especially the snow. There were a few mornings that after struggling to get to her feet and out the door she managed to hop around in the fresh snow like a young dog and to roll around on her back and make doggy snow angels. Those mornings made my day. Other days it has been all she can do to drag her back legs out the door and maneuver into position to relieve herself without soiling herself. She even had a couple incidents of incontinence that hurt her pride so much it made me cry. But so far the average to good days are still outweighing the bad days.

She will turn 10 in a few weeks (March 21st) and that became my goal at the first of the year. I'm confident that she will make that milestone with no problem. She is loving her new diet and it has done wonders for both her and Maizey. Their coats have improved so much! Heidi was refusing food on occasion before switching her to raw and now she doesn't miss a meal. It is much easier to keep her weight in a healthy range on this diet too. I like to keep her lean any way but since her mobility has been limited it is even more critical to keep her lean and take the pressure off her good legs and back. She was also having teeth problems and those have almost cleared up with the raw bones. She still has a lot of old tartar but her breath has improved and her gums look healthier now.

I never did start her with hydrotherapy like I had wanted to do. I just couldn't afford it at the beginning and had planned to use my Christmas money (in-laws give cash instead of gifts) to start her after the New Year. Then I had a really bad few months with next to no income from my etsy shop and no luck finding a job (Even Joann's Fabric wouldn't hire me, how is that for depressing!) so I had to use my holiday money to pay my bills. Now she has progressed past the point of it being able to help. Plus getting her in and out of the car is very stressful for both of us. I have a ramp and a harness that fits around her hips to hold but she still gets scared she's going to fall off the ramp and panics.

So now her world has gotten very small. She has a rug at the foot of the stairs right by the front door where she spends most of her time. There are other small non-slip rugs placed around the house but for the last few weeks she rarely ventures anywhere beyond the entryway or the living room. Every morning and again in the afternoon and before bed she goes out to the front yard to potty and enjoy the scenery. She still likes her watchdog role and will lay in the snow watching the neighbors come and go for a few hours everyday. Some days she will have the strength to go out to the back yard and can still get up and down from the deck. Those days Maizey will go out there with her and tear around like a mad gazelle while Heidi barks at her like an annoyed school marm.

This disease is so slow and insidious that day to day you don't realize what has been lost. Just the other day while watching Maizey enjoy a good ear scratch I realized that Heidi hasn't been able to scratch herself with her back feet for close to a year. That of course prompted me to go over and offer an epic ear rub that she thoroughly enjoyed! She used to have a number of different spots throughout the house where she would lay to observe the comings and going of the family. One in particular is the corner by the kitchen table. The floor is cool stone tile and it is optimally located for cleaning up any stray crumbs that may fall during a meal. She hasn't been in that spot since before the holidays. Other places like the little hallway outside our bedroom door and the mudroom where the dog food is kept used to be her signal to us that she was hungry. She doesn't come into our room to sleep at night anymore either. The saddest thing is when Steve gets home from a trip. She would always greet him the second he came through the back door with so much enthusiasm that I would just sit back and wait for my turn. Yesterday he got home from a three day trip and we could hear her crying in on her rug because she couldn't get up to come to him. He of course went to her to give her the proper greeting she deserved.

I have no idea how much more time we have and how we will make the decision that it is up. I'm not sure which is worse; the fast unprepared good-bye like I had with Sophie, the sudden decline and painful end like with Shadow or this long, ardous uncertain good-bye we are having with Heidi. I just know that they have all taught me to appreciate the time we do have together and make the most of it.