Kwik Sew Tank & Body Image Issues

I keep putting off writing this post. I took pictures of my fat self in an almost finished swimsuit in February in Illinois. Not a good thing to be looking at in all honesty. But to be honest, maybe it is exactly what I SHOULD be looking at right now. It isn’t pretty, but it is the truth.

One of the benefits and the draw backs of sewing your own clothes is that you can (and should!) make them to fit your body perfectly. That’s why we do this right? But (there’s always a but, or in my case a BUTT!) because we are paying attention to measurements and final fit, we may overlook the bigger picture. After a year of sewing and photographing myself in my finished garments I have to acknowledge that I’m not always liking what I am seeing. I don’t stress a lot about my size, it’s all just a number right? I usually go by what feels right. When I feel like my clothes aren’t fitting the way I like or I can’t physically do what I want to do, I start moving more and drinking eating less.

I’ve been thinking about writing a post about body image for a while now but didn’t know where to go with it. I know I’m overweight and I also know that my mental image of my body is quite different from reality. I still “see” myself as the tall size 6/8 young thing that I was in my 20s. But back then I didn’t like myself, I wanted bigger boobs and a flatter stomach (some things never change). Now I look at myself in the mirror, usually when naked after showering, and I don’t mind what I see. It isn’t until I put on clothes that don’t fit the way I’d like or look the way I think they should that I have a problem with my body image. I have breasts that fed 2 babies and were never exactly perky so I accept them for what they are now. I have a stomach that is way bigger than I’d like but without clothes to restrict it it is round and voluptuous and blends in well with the hips and thighs that support it. I don’t like the dimples that my hips and thighs are now sporting but my calves and ankles are still thin and shapely. For the most part my body is still strong. I can lift and carry things with almost the same strength I always could. I’m not as flexible as I once was but I’m still more flexibly than a lot of people my age and size.  I’ve never been a runner or had a lot of cardiovascular endurance so nothing has changed there. Would I like to be more fit and slimmer? For sure!

It is hard for me to make the time to do what I need to do to get the body I want to have. I don’t like to cook even though I know what kinds of foods I should be eating. At the end of the day I’d just rather grab something to fill up my stomach so I can go back to doing the things I really enjoy. I need to stop making excuses about exercising. When I make the time to do it, I love it. I really do. I love how in control and strong it makes me feel. I just need to get over the inertia of laziness that I tend to fall into. Even if I just made time for one yoga class and one aqua-fit class a week plus took the time to walk the dogs a couple days a week I’d see an improvement. Nike was on to something when they made “Just Do It” their slogan.

Anyway, enough words. I made my first swimsuit.

I was going to save the scary picture for last but let’s just get it over with shall we? This is just a basic tank made using the pattern and instructions in the Kwik Sew Swim & Action Wear book. I did color block it by cutting the pattern at the waist line and adding 1/4” seam allowances. It is also fully lined. I really like this striped fabric. The selvage edge says © Gap Inc. and it is a really nice weight and finish. If I were to do the half-and-half suit again I would probably drop the waist a couple inches to elongate the torso instead of cutting it in half. But then I run the risk of putting a horizontal line right across the widest part of my body. Maybe moving the line up to an empire level just under the bust is a better idea. I just think I’m already too short waisted and don’t want to accentuate that either. Hmmmmm.

Here’s an even scarier view from the back. I ran out of elastic before I could finish the leg openings. This is where I think lowering the waist line would look better and make my butt look less enormous. Most of my RTW suits have a much higher back on them and I think the next suit I make will too. I like the support a higher back gives and is more flattering overall.

After my final fitting I decided that I wanted some straps across the back to help keep the shoulder strap from falling off. Just look at those sad slopey shoulders in that photo! I wrapped a long piece of elastic in the navy fabric and coverstitched it to make a strap. I then cut it into 2 pieces and arranged them across the back and stitched in place.

I’m not done with the swimsuit making. Emma still wants me to make her something. I also have ideas for a tankini/swim-dress for myself and a retro styled tank with a more shaped bust. I also ordered the Jalie racer-back tank pattern yesterday and that should give me something to work with for basic suits too. Now that I’m fairly confident in the basic steps I’d like to find patterns to incorporate more advanced details like shaped bra cups and under-wires. I don’t really need under-wires but I’ve been asked by a more “endowed” friend to make her a suit and she has a RTW suit I could copy with under-wires. I’d like a suit with more bust detailing just to give myself the illusion of more going on there if you know what I mean. I have some ideas, just need to find the time to experiment and see what I can come up with.

I made a major score at Joann’s yesterday. I ran out of swimwear elastic and stopped there after work to get more. The bulk elastic was on clearance and was marked .25/yd. I took what was left to the cutting table and told them I’d take it all. The girl then told me it rang up for .10/yd! I got 18.5 yards of elastic for less than $2!!! SCORE!!!

I think there is a 6pm Aqua-Fit class at the gym tomorrow night. Might be a good reason to debut the new suit!